barbult's take on the lives of Jack and Richard
barbult
Posts: 27,078
I have no obvious place to post my latest render of Jack Tomalin and Richard Haseltine, so I'm starting a whole new discussion. They tend to find themselves in various predicaments, as depicted in my renders scattered throughout the forum. Even I can't track down all those renders anymore, so this can be their home going forward. I can't even remember what got me started on the Jack and Richard thing in the first place, but now it is tradition.
Feel free to comment.
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Comments
A Bad Idea
Jack took Richard punting on the river. As soon as they left dry land, it was obvioulsy a big mistake.
Oh no! Hahaha. Poor Jack. Richard managed to done some serious damage in no time at all...
I'm glad they've got their own thread now for their renders!! I hope you're able to round up the others and put them in here, so people can catch up on the rich history. (I know - it's really hard to track down all our previous forum uploads. Having the gallery option made that so much easier. Too bad that's gone... )
Panic is the mother of laceration, or something like that.
SapphireBlue and Richard, thanks for stopping by and commenting. I always get a kick of seeing your reactions. Yes, poor Jack. Throughout these adventures he has suffered incarcerations, humiliations, lacerations, and probably a few other "ations".
Well, I didn't have Richard down as a "scaredy-cat"!
I'm glad you started this thread - I love watching the evolving stories of Jack and Richard.
TangoAlpha privately brought to my attention that I missed an opportunity to use his narrow canal boat named "Jack Attack". OMG. I have that boat. How could I have missed that? Well, I'll just have to do another episode in the story, I guess. That's how these Jack and Richard stories often progress - based on people's comments.
I'm glad you enjoy them, MelanieL. Even Richard has phobias, I guess.
The Rescue
When Jack failed to return the rented punt on time, the police were summoned to track him down. A crowd had started to form, watching the punting fiasco on the river. To get things under control, Richard had to be tranquilized and air lifted out of there (poor guy). The appropriately named canal boat "Jack Attack" was called in to haul the punt and a mortified Jack back to the dock.
A saucer of milk and a side dish of the creamiest Potato Dauphinoise, and I reckon Richard will be alright.
Not sure how Jack's gonna explain away those claw marks though.
It's a damn shame I missed the others in the series, cause quite honestly this thread is a bit surreal!
No reinforced cage or Hannibal Lecter-style restraints*? Those tranquilisers must be the good ones.
* OK, that would probably need the assistance of Matt Castle.
Isn't Matt the centaur guy? Most of his forum thread looks bare because of the Daz Gallery changes, so I didn't come across anything related to restraints there when i looked briefly today.
But anyway - only the good ones for you, of course!
Although he mostly posts centaurs he does have a very solid techniique for covnerting fitted items from one human figure to just about anything that cn be posed, though whether he already has the specifics for any cat I don't know.
That's a relief.
I would take him to the vet to be fixed
Oh, I understand now. You could slip right out of human restraints. A cat mod would be needed for sure.
Oh no! Ouch.
I'm dredging up some of my old Jack and Richard renders, many of which are spread out in various PC+ forum threads, so only members could even see those.
These are the earliest I found so far. In 2016, Jack went on vacation, and we were invited to render our thoughts on where he went and what he did. Totte ran a contest: https://www.daz3d.com/forums/discussion/72888/the-b-w-c-render-jack-tomalin-on-vacation-contest. Rules stipulated that they had to be new renders and feature at least one PC item. We were limited to three entries. I'm not sure Jack could have survived any more of mine!
Wet T-Shirt Contest - Daytona Beach, Florida
Jack and his wife fly to Daytona Beach for Bike Week. Jack starts the weekend by enjoying a wet T-shirt contest while his wife works on her tan. You're a lucky man, Jack. Not all wives would let their husband get by with that! And wow, your wife is gorgeous!
Edited to add: The PC item in this render is a beach chair from The Promenade Deck.
Jack's Zoo Disaster
Honey, come and pet the baby anteater!
PC Items: Dark Trees Pack 1 and Dark Trees Pack 1 - Ivy
Jack's Balcony Blunder
Jack, they retrieved your phone. You got a great selfie as you fell off the balcony!
PC item: Cosy (sic) Kitsch Living Room Props retextured with PD Iray Shader Kit 2.
@COMIXIANT Yes, my imagination can get out of hand! I'm adding a few old renders here as I track them down. Here's the start.
In July 2016, Jack wrote "Jen's off at the moment with an infection, following more surgery on her foot." So we users had a Get Well Jen --- Render-A-Thon. Here are a few of my renders from that thread.
Jaaaaack!!!!
Jen, in shock: Put me down! You're going to get my clothes filthy! When you said you were going to haul me into work in a Firemans's carry, I thought you were insane! Are you insane, Jack?
Jack, matter of factly: We need you, Jen. We can't wait any longer. I don't care if your foot is still red and swollen. You have readmes to release and products to update. I'll carry you in in the mornings, and DAZ_Steve can carry you home at night. It'll work great, and I can wear this nifty suit! I got it on sale in the Daz Store. Wait until you see what DAZ_Steve got!
Uhhhh...No Thanks...I Think I'll Make Other Plans...
DAZ_Steve: Jack says I should give you a ride home. Bad foot or something? Oh, this, I got it free! Nice, huh!!! Gotta love DAZ freebies!
Jen: Uhhhh...No Thanks...I Think I'll Make Other Plans...And tell Jack I won't be needing his assistance in the morning!
Meanwhile, back at the office...
Richaaaard!!!
Jen, fed up: Richard, get off my keyboard! Can't you see I'm researching my vacation to Tibet?
Richard, paw-typing rapidly: I heard you needed a script to fix your foot. I've got the IDE up, and I'll have it done in no time.
Jen, flabbergasted: I need a PRESCRIPTION refill from the doctor, not a Daz Studio SCRIPT!!!! And, Richard, that's not even your kind of mouse.
This may be the point where Richard Haseltine entered my stories. I had a pretty scruffy cat model at the time.
I am so glad I clicked on the Art Studio this morning. @barbult you started my morning on a happy note with your renders. Jack, Richard and Jen, good times.
Right now my own Ginger, Charlie is giving me a run for my money by destroying my bedding on a daily basis. Two more pillows are going to the dumpster. And both he and Simon had zoomies at 2am today, and I was their springboard.
What is it about Gingers?!
Mary
@Wendy
I dunno, seems bit rad that does, although a cat manucure to keep the claws in check might be in order!
@barbult
The link doesn't work for me, but funny stuff, and I'll be watching this thread!
I believe in Spaying/Neutering pets to avoid unwanted litters
He has to breed in order to produce future generations of Master Daz Moderator.
It's not easy, it's down to a rare DNA mutation and the DNA line must never be severed.
@memcneil70 I also feel a renewed sense of joy when looking back at some of my favorite old renders and stories.
From the Daz+ Anniverary Sale 2022 - Render Contest!
This started as a simple contest entry, but because of reader comments, it grew into a huge story starring (of course) Jack and Richard. Even I, barbult (see forum avatar) became a major focus of the story.
Jack Seeks Richard's Advice
I don't know, Richard. They all seem so blah this year. Is this the one? What do you think?...Richard? What's that racket back there? Are you paying attention? I need your help to pick a hat for the Daz+ contest.
I Was Only Trying to Help
Jack: (alarmed) Richard! What have you done to barbult?
Richard: (contrite) I was just trying to help! Her feathers would really spruce up your hat.
Jack: (reconsidering) Well, she was kind of a thorn in our side, complaining all the time. Maybe this is a good thing...
More Flare
Jack: I don't like that hat anymore. This yellow one has more flare [shout out @Diomede] and will look fabulous with those blue feathers. Richard, run and get me some of those big ones back there. Uh oh, I hear the baby crying. I've got to go check on her. Maybe you can work on the hat while I'm busy. Maybe add some of those flowers from the vase on the console table, or maybe some of those ferns...
Unseen Narrator: But wait, ladies and gentlemen - is that a blue feather outside the window in the flower bed? Did barbult escape? [dramatic music fades to mysterious silence]
The Hat in the Mess
Jack: Ok, I'm back. Gah! Richard! Look at this mess you made! Are you all thumbs, or what? Hey, that hat is looking sharp, though!
Richard: I don't have thumbs.
Jack: We've got to get this mess cleaned up before my wife gets home.
Richard: Will you look at the time! It's my turn to be forum administrator. Gotta go!
She's Alive!
[Not a Render; Not a contestr entry]
Meanwhile, @SapphireBlue was strolling by Jack's house when something blue caught her eye. It's a bird! "It needs my help", she said. "I'm going to take it home and nurse it back to health." barbult was relieved to be in such good hands.
Continued below...
Um Gottes Willen!
Jack stands dismayed by the mess that Richard left behind, unaware that he was being spied on by barbult's friend the crow on the window sill. All of a sudden, Jack hears the front door open. Uh oh, Jack's wife is home!
Wife: I'm home, Jack. UM GOTTES WILLEN! WAS HAST DU HIER GEMACHT? UNSER HAUS IST KAPUTT! [When stressed, her native German comes out (I made this up; I know nothing about Jack's wife)]. You let Richard in here again, didn't you! Don't try to deny it; I see the paw prints. When will you learn? And put the window back in the window frame before this house is full of birds and bugs.
Wife: (looking around for barbult) Speaking of birds...
Jack: Will you look at the time! I need to post the Daz+ Render Contest thread. Gotta go!
Jack: (running down the hall, calls back): Don't step in the glue!
Avatar Selfie
Jack snaps a quick avatar selfie with his new hat for the Daz+sale.
The End
Raven: (on the phone with Puff) You hear what happened to barbult? ... Yes, Richard did it. Listen, we're all getting together at SapphireBlue's house, Wednesday afternoon at 4. Can you make it?... That's right, we're gonna give Richard what he deserves!... See you then.
Puff: Will barbult ever be caged again?
Raven: Nevermore!
OK, now you can choose your preferred interpretation of the conversation above. Was Richard a hero, or was Richard a scoundrel?
Richard the Hero
barbult: High five, Richard, you pulled it off! I wish you hadn't pulled off so many feathers, though.
Richard: I had to make it look convincing. Jack's no fool! You got out of that window just fine when I gave you a little toss.
barbult: Thank goodness SapphireBlue picked me up and took me home.
Richard: Well she did a fine job of healing you. You look as good as new.
The gang: To Richard, our hero! For he's a jolly good feline. For he's a jolly good feline. For he's a jolly good feeeeeliiiiine, which no birdy can deny! To Richard!!!!
Richard the Scoundrel
Crow: OK, gang, I've been spying on Jack and Richard. They meet every Wednesday for tea at 4 in the afternoon. Jack's wife has banned Richard from the house, so they have their tea outside on Jack's picnic table.
Raven: Here's the plan. We call it Operation Whitewash. First, barbult will swoop in and snatch Jack's hat. Then the rest of us fly over in formation and drop all we've got. Crow will lead the way; he's got the place scoped out. Puff, you'll bring up the rear. You've got the biggest payload capacity. You'll deliver the coup de grâce!
The gang: Let's go! Let's go! We'll give 'em what they deserve!
(The flapping of many wings is heard...)
Jack: My Hat! Eek! Run, Richard, run!
Richard: I'm ahead of you, but they're too fast!
Postscript - The Emmys
Female Presenter: In the category of "Best Imaginary Documentary About a Cat and a Hat", the nominees are:
Announcer Voice-over: This is the 37th nomination for Theodor Seuss Geisel. If he wins tonight, it will be his 37th consecutive win. barbult is a first time nominee. Unfortunately, Victoria 9 has been eliminated from this category at the last minute, for failure to appear!
Male Presenter: And the Emmy goes to...barbult for "Jack and His Hat"!
Announcer Voice-over: This is a first time win for barbult, a newcomer to the competition. This is quite an upset, ending the consecutive run of Theodor Seuss Geisel.
[incredulous applause from the shocked audience]
Congratulations barbult. Best Emmy winner I have ever seen.
BTW, I saw Victoria 9 at Target yesterday doing promos! Did a double-take at the image.
Mary
It's like a cross between the 'Carry On' movies, and some surreal, light-hearted nightmare.
I think you're 'Mad As A March Hare' and that's meant as a compliment of course!
Nice work on the renders themselves, too, in fact I don't think I ever saw a 'Fisheye' done in Daz Studio as you did with the birds-eye render on "Richard The Scoundrel". I think it looks really good, great composition and light, especially on that one!
I'm glad you are enjoying them! It is fun to relive the old times. I have more coming.
August 2023 - This starts another story about Jack and Richard. I rendered this image for a Daz+ Inspiration Contest. Those contests require the use of at least one of the week's new Daz+ releases. At the time, I had no idea that this render would become a lead-in to a Jack and Richard story.
I decided the new spurge plants make good seaweed. They look surprisingly great under water, even though that was not the PAs intent. I also learned that it is hard to make an octopus fist.
The Specimen Escapes
Item Used: Mediterranean Flowering Spurge Plants
What Came Next
(Thanks to junk for the inspiration!)
Public Service Announcement [braaaap braaaap braaaap]: The Specimen is on the loose! Keep a watchful eye. Report any sighting to your nearest species control agency. Do not venture out. Stay safe.
The lab is flooded. The equipment has shorted out and is starting to rust. Only the solar powered lighting remains functional. Nature's flora and fauna are establishing a renewed foothold. The spurge is thriving!
Qualifying Item - Mediterranean Flowering Spurge Plants
Oblivion
Having arrived early in the Daz Meeting Room for the unveiling of Genesis 10, Jack and Richard pulled out the Nine Men's Morris board to play a few rounds. Oblivious to the threat outside the window, they continued to play. Richard was ahead 8 to 2. Nine Men's Morris is Richard's favorite game, because he is sure it is named for his great uncle "Nine Lives Morris".
Items used:
English Village Pub Games
FH Company Meeting Room
Lunch?
The specimen peered through the Meeting Room window. "Ah...see...FOOD!"
It smashed through the glass, trashed the room, and snatched its prey, faster than the blink of a human eye.
Item Used Pure Masculine Expressions for Genesis 9
Just to demonstrate my commitment to continuing this story: I had to create a whole new "Jack". Old Jack was G8. To use the new G9 expressions, I had to create a G9 Jack. To keep the continuity, I wanted to use the same skin. I own the Legacy UVs for the female, but not the male, and the male set was not on sale at the time. So...I used the G8 UV Swap and Map Transfer to create a set of G8F maps for my G8M skin and saved it as a Material Preset that I could apply with the Legacy UV for the female UV. Then I tried to dial a G9 character similar to the old G8 character, but I wasn't completely happy with it, so I manually converted the G8M character shape to G9. Then I discovered that the shirt didn't autofit very nicely to G9. Since it was something I made in Marvelous Designer, I loaded up the old G8M project and a G9 avatar and refit the shirt to G9. Then I had to export it as OBJ, and import it to DS, and run the transfer utility, and retexture it, and reattach buttons. Then, I could work on the scene! Whew.
Rob to the Rescue
(This render introduced Rob (rbtwhiz), Daz developer, to the cast of characters. Why is he a shark? Well, Joe Quick released Jawsome Quickstrike HD shark for Genesis 9 that week, so I just had to use him. And Rob's avatar does have kind of a fish tail on the end of his hair, so...)
Just then, Rob arrived in the Meeting Room for the ceremonial unveiling of Genesis 10. He encountered a horrific site! Yes, Genesis 10 lay shattered and exposed on the Meeting Room floor! A tear fell from Rob's eye.
Oh, one more thing... "Untentacle my colleagues, you slimy specimen!", screamed Rob, brandishing the sword he was going to use to remove the cover from Genesis 10. "You destroyed my Genesis 10! You and I are going to have it out here and now!"
Items Used:
Jawsome Quickstrike HD Shark for Genesis 9 (Rob)
Pure Masculine Expressions for Genesis 9 (Jack and Rob)
Ah, Seafood
The specimen was multi-armed, but Rob was more heavily armed, with a battle sword and teeth - lots of teeth - big jagged saw tooth teeth, and he hadn't had lunch yet.
Slash, slash, chop, chop, chop, slice, slice, chomp (yum, that head was tasty!)...
"Bon appetite, fellas", said Rob, as he sped away on his motorcycle to go finish Daz Studio 5.
Jack wanted nothing to do with it, as he chugged his throat linctus (so he claimed), but Richard dug right in. "Ah, seafood!", he exclaimed.
The End
Yes, our guys have survived another harrowing adventure by the skin of their teeth. How long can luck like this last?
Items used:
Jawsome Quickstrike HD Shark for Genesis 9 (Rob)
Pure Masculine Expressions for Genesis 9 (Jack and Rob)
Ah, yes - the good old days. I often sit by the fire reminiscing (well, I often sit by the fire anyway).