barbult's take on the lives of Jack and Richard

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  • barbultbarbult Posts: 27,107
    edited May 25

    What the Heck Happened Here?

    Jack: Milly, I'm here to take you and your mother home. Where is she? And Richard, what are you doing here; why are you wearing that silly outfit, and what the heck happened here?
    Milly: Mama went to the shoe store. I had to help Richard ride his bike better...Look, here comes Mama now! Wow, new shoes!
    Richard: To sum it up, I was an excellent cyclist right before I went over the edge and became an excellent gymnast. The mice stole my onions, and my bike broke. Please give me a ride home, Jack.
    Jack: Ah, I see; just the normal stuff. Let's go. I'll drop you off at home. I'm going to put that bike in the dumpster.
    Richard: OK, I won't need it at the Catlympics.
    Jack: The Catlympics????


     

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  • Richard HaseltineRichard Haseltine Posts: 110,660

    Never stand still, never be where they expect you (and hope they don't tread on your unexpected tail).

  • barbultbarbult Posts: 27,107

    Richard Haseltine said:

    Never stand still, never be where they expect you (and hope they don't tread on your unexpected tail).

    Your tail is very agile. I bet you could whip it out of the way in time. 

  • backgroundbackground Posts: 911
    edited May 26

    I bet Jack could turn the remains of the bike into a little unicycle for Richard. It just so happens there's one in the store that is on sale, and looks a bit like Richards bike. ( a bit of scaling and a coat of paint is all it needs really ).

    Post edited by background on
  • Richard HaseltineRichard Haseltine Posts: 110,660

    background said:

    I bet Jack could turn the remains of the bike into a little unicycle for Richard. It just so happens there's one in the store that is on sale, and looks a bit like Richards bike. ( a bit of scaling and a coat of paint is all it needs really ).

    Ooh, I am sure one wheel would be easier to manage than two (or four, which after all require a special license).

  • felisfelis Posts: 6,370

    Like this cheeky

  • backgroundbackground Posts: 911
    edited May 26

    See now that would have avoided the first accident ( falling sideways ) but not the second one, unless his little paws could reach the brake levers. On the other hand he would be much more likely to mow down innocent bystanders on this larger and heavier machine. I now have an image in my head of Richard riding down the street on this, and bystanders sent flying one both sides, like the bow wave of a ship.

    Post edited by background on
  • Richard HaseltineRichard Haseltine Posts: 110,660

    background said:

    See now that would have avoided the first accident ( falling sideways ) but not the second one, unless his little paws could reach the brake levers. On the other hand he would be much more likely to mow down innocent bystanders on this larger and heavier machine. I now have an image in my head of Richard riding down the street on this, and bystanders sent flying one both sides, like the bow wave of a ship.

    Where did Jack leave hi...the credit card?

  • barbultbarbult Posts: 27,107
    edited May 29

    Big News!

    Richard arrives home and throws open the kitchen door.

    Richard: Lola, I'm home!
    Lola: Richard, where on earth have you been all this time? It's almost dark outside. Did you sell all the onions? Where's your bike? Why are you so late? I had to go ahead and eat dinner without you.
    Richard: None of that matters - I have big news! I'm an excellent Gymnast. I'm going to try out for the Catlympics. I need a leotard. Oh, I see you filled my bowl with treats from Other Richard. Thanks. I'm pretty hungry after my long day.
    Lola: The Catlympics????

    Richard Gymnast Comes Home_002 hidden removed_001_Camera 1.jpg
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  • barbultbarbult Posts: 27,107

    Anyway, Richard is busy ordering some gymnastic leotards from the Big River company, and looking forward to the boxes they will come in. He can hardly wait to start practicing for the Catlympics tryouts.
    Huh, the spellchecker refuses to accept "Catlympics" as a valid spelling.

  • WendyLuvsCatzWendyLuvsCatz Posts: 41,098
    edited May 29

    I think you call that a pogo stick

    be interesting to see Richard on one

    some I have in

    https://www.daz3d.com/playtime

    https://www.daz3d.com/santa-s-toy-workshop

    Post edited by WendyLuvsCatz on
  • barbultbarbult Posts: 27,107

    WendyLuvsCatz said:

    I think you call that a pogo stick

    be interesting to see Richard on one

    some I have in

    https://www.daz3d.com/playtime

    https://www.daz3d.com/santa-s-toy-workshop

    Did you not see when Richard thought Jack's jackhammer was a pogo stick and tore up Jack's whole driveway by riding it? It's part of the story about how Jack repaired Richard's horse, which was the follow on to the Posse infiltration story.

  • WendyLuvsCatzWendyLuvsCatz Posts: 41,098

    barbult said:

    WendyLuvsCatz said:

    I think you call that a pogo stick

    be interesting to see Richard on one

    some I have in

    https://www.daz3d.com/playtime

    https://www.daz3d.com/santa-s-toy-workshop

    Did you not see when Richard thought Jack's jackhammer was a pogo stick and tore up Jack's whole driveway by riding it? It's part of the story about how Jack repaired Richard's horse, which was the follow on to the Posse infiltration story.

    I may not have looked back that far, or its old age, unsure TBH blush 

  • barbultbarbult Posts: 27,107

    WendyLuvsCatz said:

    barbult said:

    WendyLuvsCatz said:

    I think you call that a pogo stick

    be interesting to see Richard on one

    some I have in

    https://www.daz3d.com/playtime

    https://www.daz3d.com/santa-s-toy-workshop

    Did you not see when Richard thought Jack's jackhammer was a pogo stick and tore up Jack's whole driveway by riding it? It's part of the story about how Jack repaired Richard's horse, which was the follow on to the Posse infiltration story.

    I may not have looked back that far, or its old age, unsure TBH blush 

    @WendyLuvsCatz It is a very long ways back! https://www.daz3d.com/forums/discussion/comment/9277666/#Comment_9277666

     

     

  • barbultbarbult Posts: 27,107
    edited May 30

    Leotards Arrive

    Richard: Finally! The big brown truck is here! I was getting a neck ache, perched up here and twisting around to watch for it. I wonder how big my new box will be. Big enough to hold my order of 6 new doll size leotards. Pretty big, for sure.

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  • barbultbarbult Posts: 27,107
    edited May 30

    In a Stupid Bag?

    Richard: My leotards are great! It is like they were custom designed just for me. This is my favorite design. I'll save it for tryouts and wear the others for training. But I'm furious at the Big River company. They sent my leotards in a plastic bag. I didn't get a box. angry Don't they know a cat could suffocate in a stupid bag?

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  • Richard HaseltineRichard Haseltine Posts: 110,660

    barbult said:

    In a Stupid Bag?

    Richard: My leotards are great! It is like they were custom designed just for me. This is my favorite design. I'll save it for tryouts and wear the others for training. But I'm furious at the Big River company. They sent my leotards in a plastic bag. I didn't get a box. angry Don't they know a cat could suffocate in a stupid bag?

    What is the world coming to? At least i can look stylish as I chunter.

  • barbultbarbult Posts: 27,107

    Richard Haseltine said:

    barbult said:

    In a Stupid Bag?

    Richard: My leotards are great! It is like they were custom designed just for me. This is my favorite design. I'll save it for tryouts and wear the others for training. But I'm furious at the Big River company. They sent my leotards in a plastic bag. I didn't get a box. angry Don't they know a cat could suffocate in a stupid bag?

    What is the world coming to? At least i can look stylish as I chunter.

    That particular design coordinates so well with your fur. It was a wise purchase. 

  • SimonJMSimonJM Posts: 6,097
    edited May 31

    I was, almost, expecting a feline typo along the way and box full of leopards not leotards to arrive ...laugh

    Post edited by SimonJM on
  • backgroundbackground Posts: 911

    SimonJM said:

    I was, almost, expecting a feline typo along the way and box full of leopards not leotards to arrive ...laugh

    That would be exellent!. It can't be easy typing with paws, the odd speeling error is very likely.

  • barbultbarbult Posts: 27,107

    SimonJM said:

    I was, almost, expecting a feline typo along the way and box full of leopards not leotards to arrive ...laugh

    Ah, if only you had posted earlier! That would have been great, and a classic Richard typo. 

  • richardandtracyrichardandtracy Posts: 7,786
    He ordered from two places, didn't he, just in case one or other parcel got lost? Regards, Richard
  • barbultbarbult Posts: 27,107

    richardandtracy said:

    He ordered from two places, didn't he, just in case one or other parcel got lost? Regards, Richard

    That would have been wise. Richard is wise. Thanks for the reminder.winkSometimes it is hard to keep up with all Richard does. Hmmm do I have a leopard in my library, I must look and see.

     

  • barbultbarbult Posts: 27,107
    edited June 3

    More Leotards?

    Richard Haseltine: My order from the Big River Company came, but I want more. I'm going to order from Cat Supply this time. I don't want any more wimpy sacks from Big River.

    Richard sends a formal letter to Cat Supply Company:

    Dear Cat Supply Company,
    Please send me sicks sics siks six leopards for the Catalympics. I needs ize small. Thank you. I have attatched Lola's cresit card number and my address. Send them in a box!
    Sincerely,
    Richard Haseltine

    Several days later...

    Delivery Man: I have 6 boxes for Haseltine from Cat Supply. Where should I drop them?
    Richard: I'm Haseltine! Let me think... I guess you'd better put them here in the driveway. Those are nice big boxes! I got 6 others last week from Big River Company. They came in a plastic bag.
    Delivery Man: That's terrible. Cats could suffocate in a plastic bag.
    Richard: I know! 

    Leopards in boxes

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  • barbultbarbult Posts: 27,107
    edited June 3

    What Did You Order?

    Shortly after the delivery, Lola arrived home from work.

    Lola: Richard, I had to park on the street. There is a pallet full of boxes in the driveway. What do you know about that?
    Richard: I ordered six more leotards. This time I ordered from the Cat Supply Company. They ship in boxes, not bags. I didn't try to open the boxes, though, because I know I'm not allowed to touch the box cutter, or the scissors, or the knives. I'm trying hard to behave. It's real hard.
    DING
    Lola: Hold on, I just got a credit card alert on my phone. $30,000!!! Richard, what did you order? Did you order 6000 leotards instead of 6?
    Richard: No, just 6. There are only 6 boxes in the driveway. Let's open them and you will see.

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  • backgroundbackground Posts: 911
    edited June 3

    Um, I hope Richard has a DWA (Dangerous Wild Animals) license on hand, just in case, otherwise he might find himself in a bit of bother with the authorities. Not sure if it covers wild Lola's though. The good news is, I don't think leopards can climb curtains ( probably just rip them off the curtain rail )., but who knows? I've never owned a leopard so I don't know what they eat, 'anything they like' I expect < groan >.

    Post edited by background on
  • Richard HaseltineRichard Haseltine Posts: 110,660

    Well, lots of famous people have had leopards. But I am sure that the company is used to mis-prints and just used .... umm, $29,000 worth of bubble wrap to make sure the leotards arrived in good condition.

  • SimonJMSimonJM Posts: 6,097

    I am honestly not sitting back and rubbing my hands in the glee of anticipation ..

  • Richard HaseltineRichard Haseltine Posts: 110,660

    SimonJM said:

    I am honestly not sitting back and rubbing my hands in the glee of anticipation ..

    probbaly be as well to be in a position from which you can easily run.

  • barbultbarbult Posts: 27,107

    I'm skeptical of the bubble wrap theory, but being ready to run is probably a good idea. But then who would think ahead that they would need to run from a piece of cloth in a box? Of course, if you are at a safe distance, rubbing hands in glee, in anticipation of potential excitement, would be a viable option, I think.

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