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Um Gottes Willen!
Jack stands dismayed by the mess that Richard left behind, unaware that he was being spied on by barbult's friend the crow on the window sill. All of a sudden, Jack hears the front door open. Uh oh, Jack's wife is home!
Wife: I'm home, Jack. UM GOTTES WILLEN! WAS HAST DU HIER GEMACHT? UNSER HAUS IST KAPUTT! [When stressed, her native German comes out (I made this up; I know nothing about Jack's wife)]. You let Richard in here again, didn't you! Don't try to deny it; I see the paw prints. When will you learn? And put the window back in the window frame before this house is full of birds and bugs.
Wife: (looking around for barbult) Speaking of birds...
Jack: Will you look at the time! I need to post the Daz+ Render Contest thread. Gotta go!
Jack: (running down the hall, calls back): Don't step in the glue!
Avatar Selfie
Jack snaps a quick avatar selfie with his new hat for the Daz+sale.
The End
Raven: (on the phone with Puff) You hear what happened to barbult? ... Yes, Richard did it. Listen, we're all getting together at SapphireBlue's house, Wednesday afternoon at 4. Can you make it?... That's right, we're gonna give Richard what he deserves!... See you then.
Puff: Will barbult ever be caged again?
Raven: Nevermore!
OK, now you can choose your preferred interpretation of the conversation above. Was Richard a hero, or was Richard a scoundrel?
Richard the Hero
barbult: High five, Richard, you pulled it off! I wish you hadn't pulled off so many feathers, though.
Richard: I had to make it look convincing. Jack's no fool! You got out of that window just fine when I gave you a little toss.
barbult: Thank goodness SapphireBlue picked me up and took me home.
Richard: Well she did a fine job of healing you. You look as good as new.
The gang: To Richard, our hero! For he's a jolly good feline. For he's a jolly good feline. For he's a jolly good feeeeeliiiiine, which no birdy can deny! To Richard!!!!
Richard the Scoundrel
Crow: OK, gang, I've been spying on Jack and Richard. They meet every Wednesday for tea at 4 in the afternoon. Jack's wife has banned Richard from the house, so they have their tea outside on Jack's picnic table.
Raven: Here's the plan. We call it Operation Whitewash. First, barbult will swoop in and snatch Jack's hat. Then the rest of us fly over in formation and drop all we've got. Crow will lead the way; he's got the place scoped out. Puff, you'll bring up the rear. You've got the biggest payload capacity. You'll deliver the coup de grâce!
The gang: Let's go! Let's go! We'll give 'em what they deserve!
(The flapping of many wings is heard...)
Jack: My Hat! Eek! Run, Richard, run!
Richard: I'm ahead of you, but they're too fast!
Postscript - The Emmys
Female Presenter: In the category of "Best Imaginary Documentary About a Cat and a Hat", the nominees are:
Announcer Voice-over: This is the 37th nomination for Theodor Seuss Geisel. If he wins tonight, it will be his 37th consecutive win. barbult is a first time nominee. Unfortunately, Victoria 9 has been eliminated from this category at the last minute, for failure to appear!
Male Presenter: And the Emmy goes to...barbult for "Jack and His Hat"!
Announcer Voice-over: This is a first time win for barbult, a newcomer to the competition. This is quite an upset, ending the consecutive run of Theodor Seuss Geisel.
[incredulous applause from the shocked audience]
Congratulations barbult. Best Emmy winner I have ever seen.
BTW, I saw Victoria 9 at Target yesterday doing promos! Did a double-take at the image.
Mary
It's like a cross between the 'Carry On' movies, and some surreal, light-hearted nightmare.
I think you're 'Mad As A March Hare' and that's meant as a compliment of course!
Nice work on the renders themselves, too, in fact I don't think I ever saw a 'Fisheye' done in Daz Studio as you did with the birds-eye render on "Richard The Scoundrel". I think it looks really good, great composition and light, especially on that one!
I'm glad you are enjoying them! It is fun to relive the old times. I have more coming.
August 2023 - This starts another story about Jack and Richard. I rendered this image for a Daz+ Inspiration Contest. Those contests require the use of at least one of the week's new Daz+ releases. At the time, I had no idea that this render would become a lead-in to a Jack and Richard story.
I decided the new spurge plants make good seaweed. They look surprisingly great under water, even though that was not the PAs intent. I also learned that it is hard to make an octopus fist.
The Specimen Escapes
Item Used: Mediterranean Flowering Spurge Plants
What Came Next
(Thanks to junk for the inspiration!)
Public Service Announcement [braaaap braaaap braaaap]: The Specimen is on the loose! Keep a watchful eye. Report any sighting to your nearest species control agency. Do not venture out. Stay safe.
The lab is flooded. The equipment has shorted out and is starting to rust. Only the solar powered lighting remains functional. Nature's flora and fauna are establishing a renewed foothold. The spurge is thriving!
Qualifying Item - Mediterranean Flowering Spurge Plants
Oblivion
Having arrived early in the Daz Meeting Room for the unveiling of Genesis 10, Jack and Richard pulled out the Nine Men's Morris board to play a few rounds. Oblivious to the threat outside the window, they continued to play. Richard was ahead 8 to 2. Nine Men's Morris is Richard's favorite game, because he is sure it is named for his great uncle "Nine Lives Morris".
Items used:
English Village Pub Games
FH Company Meeting Room
Lunch?
The specimen peered through the Meeting Room window. "Ah...see...FOOD!"
It smashed through the glass, trashed the room, and snatched its prey, faster than the blink of a human eye.
Item Used Pure Masculine Expressions for Genesis 9
Just to demonstrate my commitment to continuing this story: I had to create a whole new "Jack". Old Jack was G8. To use the new G9 expressions, I had to create a G9 Jack. To keep the continuity, I wanted to use the same skin. I own the Legacy UVs for the female, but not the male, and the male set was not on sale at the time. So...I used the G8 UV Swap and Map Transfer to create a set of G8F maps for my G8M skin and saved it as a Material Preset that I could apply with the Legacy UV for the female UV. Then I tried to dial a G9 character similar to the old G8 character, but I wasn't completely happy with it, so I manually converted the G8M character shape to G9. Then I discovered that the shirt didn't autofit very nicely to G9. Since it was something I made in Marvelous Designer, I loaded up the old G8M project and a G9 avatar and refit the shirt to G9. Then I had to export it as OBJ, and import it to DS, and run the transfer utility, and retexture it, and reattach buttons. Then, I could work on the scene! Whew.
Rob to the Rescue
(This render introduced Rob (rbtwhiz), Daz developer, to the cast of characters. Why is he a shark? Well, Joe Quick released Jawsome Quickstrike HD shark for Genesis 9 that week, so I just had to use him. And Rob's avatar does have kind of a fish tail on the end of his hair, so...)
Just then, Rob arrived in the Meeting Room for the ceremonial unveiling of Genesis 10. He encountered a horrific site! Yes, Genesis 10 lay shattered and exposed on the Meeting Room floor! A tear fell from Rob's eye.
Oh, one more thing... "Untentacle my colleagues, you slimy specimen!", screamed Rob, brandishing the sword he was going to use to remove the cover from Genesis 10. "You destroyed my Genesis 10! You and I are going to have it out here and now!"
Items Used:
Jawsome Quickstrike HD Shark for Genesis 9 (Rob)
Pure Masculine Expressions for Genesis 9 (Jack and Rob)
Ah, Seafood
The specimen was multi-armed, but Rob was more heavily armed, with a battle sword and teeth - lots of teeth - big jagged saw tooth teeth, and he hadn't had lunch yet.
Slash, slash, chop, chop, chop, slice, slice, chomp (yum, that head was tasty!)...
"Bon appetite, fellas", said Rob, as he sped away on his motorcycle to go finish Daz Studio 5.
Jack wanted nothing to do with it, as he chugged his throat linctus (so he claimed), but Richard dug right in. "Ah, seafood!", he exclaimed.
The End
Yes, our guys have survived another harrowing adventure by the skin of their teeth. How long can luck like this last?
Items used:
Jawsome Quickstrike HD Shark for Genesis 9 (Rob)
Pure Masculine Expressions for Genesis 9 (Jack and Rob)
Ah, yes - the good old days. I often sit by the fire reminiscing (well, I often sit by the fire anyway).
September 2023 - After the harrowing episode with the specimen, the guys needed to get away and relax. This also started as a Daz+ Inspiration Contest entry. In this story we learn that Richard boasts of many skills. And a new recurring character, Lola, is introduced.
Hosta La Vista, Baby!
Jack: Richard, we need to get out of the office and see the world.
Richard: Road Trip!
Jack: I'll pack the car.
Richard: I'm an excellent driver.
Jack: You know how to drive?
Richard: Yeah
And off they go, with Jack at the wheel. Soon they pull off at a scenic overlook.
Jack: Richard, look at this vista! There are hostas as far as the eye can see.
Richard: My eyes are too close together. I can't see a thing through this viewer.
Item used: Hostas - Low Res Foliage Plants
(My sincere apologies to all Spanish speaking forum denizens for this horrible pun.)
I Can Dig It!
Richard: Those hostas are nice. Let's take one back with us for the office.
Jack: We didn't bring a shovel to dig it up. Besides, are you sure we are allowed to do that?
Richard: There are thousands of hostas here; who will notice that one is missing? Besides we don't need no stinkin' shovel. I can dig it.
Jack: OK...
Jack: Richard! You are making a filthy mess!
Richard: Stop whining, Jack. I'm doing all the work. Go get one of those "clean up after your pet" bags to put this thing in.
Item used: Hostas - Low Res Foliage Plants
Busted
As Richard and Jack climbed back up to the parking lot with their bagged hosta, they spotted trouble.
Cooper: Hand over that hosta, you harebrained hooligans. You're coming with me!
Richard: Please, Super Trooper Cooper, don't haul us in. I'll replant it right away. We didn't see that big 3 foot high sign that says "Do not remove plants from this field. Perpetrators will be prosecuted." Really. My eyesight is not good.
All Cooper heard was "Meow".
Item used: Hostas - Low Res Foliage Plants
Book ‘em, Danny Cooper
The charge - Hosta heist in the first degree. Lock 'em up.
Richard was already planning how he would spring himself. Jack was just fuming about how another of Richard's schemes got them into trouble.
This image has been resized to fit in the page. Click to enlarge.
Item used: Hostas - Low Res Foliage Plants (of course)
(continued below)
And now we introduce Lola, although we didn't know her name until a bit later..
Maybe Jail Isn't So Bad
Due to overcrowding, it was three to a cell at the jail. Richard cleaned himself with his tongue, in the usual manner. Jack refused Richard's suggestion to give it a try.
Incarcerated Young Woman: So what are you fellas in for?
Richard: Purrrrr Purrrrrr Purrrrrr
Jack: Is it getting hot in here?
Item Used: dForce CB Lala Clothing Set for Genesis 9
Evening Falls
Well, it WAS hot in there. It was 100 degrees outside, and probably hotter in the stuffy jail cell. Tsk tsk. You people!
Jack is an honorable man. He kept his hands to himself. As soon as the sun began to set and the air cooled down, Jack buttoned up and took a little nap himself.
Richard was fine the whole time. He's used to going through life in a fur coat. He was enjoying the attention too much to worry what Jack was up to. However, that sequined dress was beginning to feel kind of scratchy. He could hear snoring coming from the jailer's room. Maybe now was the time to act!
Item Used: dForce CB Lala Clothing Set for Genesis 9
Freedom
Richard jumped off Lola's lap. (Yes, Richard got her name during their lengthy petting session). He slipped right through the cell bars and into the hallway. He padded down to the snoring jailer's room and grabbed the key ring off the hook. He tossed the keys to Jack, who opened the cell door. The three of them tiptoed down the hall, past the snoring jailer, toward the jail exit.
[Whispers inside the jail]
Richard: Hey, we should grab one of those rifles. I'm an excellent marksman.
Jack: You know how to handle firearms?
Richard: Yeah.
Jack: We don't need a longer rap sheet. We are heading straight for that door.
[Outside the jail]
Jack: Now, we have to find the car somehow.
Richard: Look! It's right over there! They must have towed it over here. I can hot-wire it. I'm an excellent auto mechanic.
Jack: You know how to fix cars?
Richard: Yeah
Jack: No need. I keep an extra key in my shoe.
Lola: Hey fellas, can you give me a lift? I'm working at the Mustang Ranch just down the road.
Jack: Oh, horses are beautiful animals!
Richard: I'm an excellent equestrian.
Jack: You know how to ride horses?
Richard: Yeah.
Lola: Ha ha, sorry fellas - no horses at the ranch - only girls.
Lola: Richard, you are amazing! How can you be so excellent at so many things?
Richard: I'm an excellent liar...
The End
Item Used: dForce CB Lala Clothing Set for Genesis 9
And the story continues as we learn that Richard just might have those skills he claims - or he just might be a bit delusional. You decide...
It just dawned on me that Lola works in a CAThouse (Mustang Ranch)! She is the purrrrfect girlfriend for Richard! They've already developed a close relationship in jail, and Lola is very impressed by Richard's many skills. How could I not have seen this coming? Will Jack be jealous or relieved that Richard has found someone else to spend time with?
I'm an Excellent Equestrian
Lola visits Richard in his home. He shows her that he really IS an excellent equestrian. She thinks he is quite cute, if a bit delusional.
Item Used: dForce CB Lala Clothing Set for Genesis 9
I'm an Excellent Driver
Note: I'm an Excellent Driver is one of my favorite renders ever!
Richard and Lola are out on the town, so he can show off his driving skills.
Richard: Look, I can drive up and down and forward and back, and the tractor rental is cheap - only 25 cents per ride.
Lola: Whee! Do it again, Richard!
Richard thinks to himself: Impressing a woman is a lot of work!
Item Used: dForce CB Lala Clothing Set for Genesis 9
I'm an Excellent Auto Mechanic
Richard: See, I replaced the batteries and this dead truck is running perfectly again! I'm an excellent auto mechanic.
Lola: I think I'll keep my feet safely up here on the sofa. Your paw is not designed for precision joystick control. I don't know what that truck is going to run into next. I don't want it to be my bare foot.
[ Poor Richard, yes, he was right. It is hard to impress a woman.]
Item Used: dForce CB Lala Clothing Set for Genesis 9
I'm an Excellent Marksman
Richard: I'm an excellent marksman. I almost never miss the wall.
Lola (clapping): Woo hoo, Richard, you only missed once so far.
Richard: I don't count that as a miss. That horse should know better than to get between me and my target.
Item Used: dForce CB Lala Clothing Set for Genesis 9
The father of an old friend used to say, "sometimes I sits and thinks, othertimes I just sits"
I often reminisce about these old stories, and I don't even have a fire to sit by.
@barbult: I just love these renders of Jack and Richard! Both have been objects or my renders over the years, Richard have been spared the last years but Jack always gets to be the "Sample Image" in the RRRR contest these days.....
Well I can't say I blame Richard for his attempts to impress Lola, she's quite a classy blonde after all ... however ...
Jack Said:
"Is it getting hot in here?"
It doesn't work, they got wise to that one years ago!
I wonder if Richard's been caught exercising the gentle art of extracting food from sometabby and their human?
Regards,
Richard
I'm back with more old Jack and Richard stories from the past. This story is from the September 26, 2023 Daz+ Inspiration Contest. Watch how user comments turn the single render into an ongoing story. I never know where these stories will go, until user comments inspire me.
The Hamster is Gone!
Trouble at Daz.
Rob: Jack, check the server room. The SCM is down again. This is going to delay Daz Studio 5 by months! [Comment 2025: I think Daz Studio 5 died entirely. We now have a Daz Studio 6 Alpha}
[Jack arrives at the Daz server complex in the basement]
Jack: Yikes! The hamster is nowhere to be seen. All the server lights are red. The gateway is padlocked. No traffic can get in or out. The big neon status sign says Error 504 again. The place is overrun with rats. Richard is supposed to be keeping them under control, but he spends all his time with that Lola and neglects his duties. What can we do?
Item Used : FH Server Room
Richard's Robotic Rodent Remover
Richard: If you guys would have installed this system when I delivered it, you wouldn't be in this mess now. And be sure to update the apps, so it can tell the difference between the server hamster and the rats. I'm busy. I see a box! I must explore. It's probably a good place for a nap.
Item Used : FH Server Room
Rats, Cold Pizza
Richard finally awoke from his nap in the box and went home to Lola. She was fixing tuna for dinner - his favorite. At last, the box was free! Jack grabbed it and set it up for the drone to deposit its hoard of stunned rats. Once full, Jack would send it off to Karni Mata Temple, where the rats would live long and pampered lives. Jack wasn't invited for tuna, so he grabbed a pizza. "Rats, this pizza is cold" said Jack, as he tossed it in the box. "And I still can't get these servers running." he added. "I'll probably have to grovel and call Richard back to help."
Item Used : FH Server Room
Help!
Lola: Richard, Jack's on the phone. He wants to talk to you.
Richard: Put him on speakerphone.
Jack: Help! I tripped over a cord and now all the servers are black. Please come and help me! I don't know what to do.
Richard: We are just starting dinner. But I'm an excellent ser...
Lola: RICHARD!
Richard: Well, no, I'm not an excellent server fixer, but Lola is an IT wunderkind. She is head of the whole IT department at the Mustang Ranch. Lola is an excellent technician! We'll come over as soon as we finish dinner. It might be a few hours. This tuna is BIG! Lola is having her's broiled, but I prefer Sashimi.
Jack: Please hurry. With no servers running, it is freezing in here. Wear your coats.
Richard: I always wear my fur coat.
Item Used : FH Server Room
An Excellent Friend
Richard and Lola finally arrived at the server room to bail Jack out of his trouble.
Jack: I'm freezing to death in here. Lola, can I borrow your coat, please?
Lola: Sure; you look like an icicle. [looking around] OK, I see the first problem. We'll start by plugging the server rack back into the wall outlet. Now, show me to the admin console....Windows Server 2012! You've got to be kidding. Don't you people know that the end of life date for this product is only 4 days away? Who is responsible for maintaining this system?
Richard: Not I. I'm only a forum admin. I'm feeling kind of lethargic after that big tuna dinner. I'm going to curl up over here and have a little cat nap.
Jack: Not I. I'm only in charge of Daz+. I'm going to snuggle up in this warm coat and try to thaw out.
Rob: [sticking his head around the corner and stepping carelessly on the server power cord] Not I. I'm the Wiz. I only develop code and scripts.
Little Red Hen: Not I. I only sow wheat and bake bread. I'm going to round up my chicks now. [What is this, a barnyard? How did chickens get in here?]
Lola: Well then, I'll do it myself. [And she did!]
Jack: Hurray! Lola, you are an excellent friend!
The end of another silly adventure
Item Used : FH Server Room
It occurs to me that if you could get the chicks imprinted on a suitable target you could put them in a whole set of hamster wheels and they would be far more reliable than actual hamsters.
Now I'm inspired. Chicks on wheels. That could be interpreted at least a couple ways. But I don't have a hamster wheel, and I don't like the plastic one in the store. Every hamster I ever owned as a child had a metal wheel. I see some in other stores, but maybe I can make one. You know, why spend a couple bucks when you can spend a dozen hours of frustration doing it yourself?
Sorry. For the rungs, make a long, thin cylinder and a null at the axis point, parent the cylinder to the null, duplicate the hierarchy as many times as needed and rotate the nulls to spread them out. The support frame might be trickier.
Reminded me of a small Thai food "hall in the wall" place close to a friend' place like 15 years ago. They had several "fun names" on the dishes, but what I still remember was their name for "Chicken Cashew", "Chicks with nuts".
My wheel is well under way. I have a wonderfully useful script that @richardandtracy posted to to instance things around in a circle. It worked perfectly to place my cylinder rungs on my torus wheels. Yes, the support frame is harder. I used Mesh Grabber to bend some cylinders. It is passable only. From a distance it will be fine.
Edit: Hmmm. I based my wheel on one I saw online. I now realize that the design is critically flawed! The support would not hold the wheel. The Wheel would fall to the ground. Oh well, I think I'll go with it anyway.
Cashew Chicken used to be my favorite until I had Orange Chicken from the Cheesecake Factory. Unfortunately the closest Cheesecake Factory is over an hour away.
Chicks on Wheels
Richard awakens from his nap with a big yawn and a brilliant inspiration.
Richard: Jack, I've got it! The server hamster is no good. What we need are chicks on wheels!
Jack: I just don't see how that would work at all.
Cross-species communication is always an issue, mice never seem to understand what I mean by fun.
That's a Big Posse!
One day I was rendering some LowPi cowboys on horses. I made quite a large crowd and decided they must be a posse chasing someone...
Who are they chasing? Probably Richard Haseltine, I suppose. He must have gotten into some mischief again. I hope he can run fast.
Yup, it was Richard they were after.
The One Who Got Away
Good as always, but I'm surprised you didn't take Richard's comment during the Sinclair C5 discussion as an idea (especially as there's a Sinclair C5 on Sketchfab).
I thought you might have had Jack as the driver, shades on, huge grin on his face and throroughly enjoying himself. Meanwhile poor Richard is popping his head out of the boot with his claws dug securely into Jack's shoulders, hanging-on for dear life!
Story wise, Jack would even have reason to find himself a Sinclair C5, after Richard's stories about its secret development.
Too many opportunities, too little time.
Thanks for dropping by to comment. I've been following up on Richard's statement about being an excellent infiltrator. "I'm an excellent..." has become a recurring theme in these stories, so I couldn't let that one pass by. It has taken me two days to get a vest on Richard over his fur. He wasn't even squirming. LOL. I gave up on fitting any existing clothing and finally went to Marvelous Designer to make him a custom vest, such as it is. He has to go without pants, because I haven't the energy to go through that again right away.
I'm an Excellent Infiltrator
Once Richard got safely home, he decided he should go back to town and infiltrate the posse. After all, he is an excellent infiltrator. (Just look at how he sneaks into almost everything I render!) He tucked his ears up into his cowboy hat, put on his best western vest, and saddled his trusty horse. He wanted to blend into the posse crowd as much as possible. Will he succeed?
I haven't been on DAZ for ages, vision problems which are being corrected with cataract surgert, but I had to log in to say....OMG! Barbult, these are such fun, I've enjoyed each and every one.
That's wonderful to hear! It encourages me to continue.
Good luck with your surgery. Friends that have had cataract surgery have been very happy with the results.
Yes, it is pretty reliable. Beware of fancy lens though, my mother was persuaded to have some that allow more than one focal distance and they cause bright lights to have haloes, she had to stop driving at night and wasn't keen on being a passenger at night.
---------------
II have a nasty feelng I am going to be relying on the posse having les than perfect vision too....