Pointless Prizeless Challenge #87: Render A Ridiculous RPG Character



  • isidornisidorn Posts: 1,601

    P.S. Coming up with this rubbish, and reading it again later, always gives me a good chuckle. I'd definitely recommend it as therapy in these gloomy days. Give it a try !

    I second that! At least the reading through this again later part, as I haven't supplied anything to this thread in a long while.

  • 3dcheapskate3dcheapskate Posts: 2,689
    edited April 2023

    Cockrot The Necromancer

    With his hand of glory, foot of vengeance, and member of astonishment*, plus a penchant for things-that-are-better-left-unsaid** and a spine-shiveringly blood-curdling cackle ( not that one ) Cockrot is one seriously nasty piece of work. He's not really what you would call a team player, preferring to dispatch his fellow party members (preferably with a nice bottle of Chianti to hand) and reanimate what's left of them for his own, dark, amusement.

    Originally coalescing from the smoke and mist left by the NMIATWAS picture here, with a first 'in-the-flesh' (so to speak) appearance here, I got as far as this and gave up... he's far too nasty !



    *fear ? surprise ? triumph ? Apparently it's his own - pickled in something disgusting.
    **read some Lovecraft...

    Post edited by 3dcheapskate on
  • isidornisidorn Posts: 1,601

    I'm glad to see you're keeping this thread alive, even if it's with necromancy. laugh

    I have to say sir Cockrot looks a bit thin. He might need to put some meat on his bones for a healthier look. Good thing that handsome fellow behind him is there to pick him up as he faints from malnourishment! cheeky

  • 3dcheapskate3dcheapskate Posts: 2,689
    edited August 2021

    Ah, I can see why you misinterpreted the picture - it's often difficult to tell one necromancer from another.

    The skinny fellow is actually one Buboe The (Ex-)Necromancer, who unwisely attended one of Cockrot's all-night Necrosamiamicon-reading parties at which Cockrot supplies the Chianti, leaving the guests to provide the nibbles...)
    I think he woke up dead.
    Like all the other guests.

    P.S. Ive actually heard a rumour that Cockrot's Member Of Astonishment/Fear/Surprise/Triumph is, in fact, a piece of lead pipe wrapped in rancid bacon. As his victim attempts to ward off an expected magical attack he simply whacks them across the skull. His victim is astonished, fearful, and surprised, and Cockrot is triumphant.

    Post edited by 3dcheapskate on
  • WinterMoonWinterMoon Posts: 1,893

    This reminds me of Napoleon's pickled sea cucumber, for some reason. frown

  • 3dcheapskate3dcheapskate Posts: 2,689
    edited April 2023

    That sounds very Rick & Morty... devil

    or Channel 4 surprise (Warning for the easily shocked: The link is to an article at The Independent (UK Newspaper) about a Channel 4 documentary about Napoleons *ahem* toast, and contains the word P***S, where *** = ENI, in both the title and URL)

    Post edited by 3dcheapskate on
  • GordigGordig Posts: 9,593

    This reminds me of Napoleon's pickled sea cucumber, for some reason. frown

    I know you're saying that euphemistically, but I've actually eaten real sea cucumber, and it's maybe the worst food I've ever eaten. It's chewy beyond belief. You just keep chewing it, but you're never done chewing.

  • 3dcheapskate3dcheapskate Posts: 2,689
    edited August 2020

    Undercooked intestines are the same. Extremely chewy. frown

    They're fine if they're properly cooked though. laugh

    WooHOO! That picture even has a hand of glory in it, although it's not lit. I knew I had one somewhere.

    Post edited by 3dcheapskate on
  • 3dcheapskate3dcheapskate Posts: 2,689
    edited April 2023

    Two and a half years is a bit long between characters. Regardless of that I present...

    Wairizi The Invisible

    The backstory for my version of Wairizi was a bit like Asterix the Gaul, in that he fell into a cauldron of magical potion when he was a baby. But, yes you've guessed, it was a batch lot of extra strong invisibility potion that he fell into. The result was that nobody's ever seen him since. Even vigourously shaking a pot of Ye Olde Anti-Invisibilty Talcum Powder doesn't reveal his presence - probably because he's not there.

    I spent ages trying to find my model of him so I could show everybody, but there was no sign of it.  Of course, I eventually remebered that I never actually made a model of him. I'd just point at the table and say "But he's right there - can't you see him?", which really annoyed all the other players. When they threw things at him I'd poiint out that "No, he's not there any more - he's right behind you!" (which he wasn't).

    My Wairizi always claimed to be a magician of sorts, but I don't think it was ever proven - any time the party needed his magical skills they couldn't find him. Most other players ibelieved*** that he was actually a thief. Something to do with the fact that when it came to dividing up the spoils at the end of the adventure - the spoils were nowhere to be found.

    Anyway, since I couldn't find my model of Wairizi The Invisible I've done this picture of him:



















     As you can see I've always imagined him looking a bit like the fat little beturbaned chappie from The Arabian Nights (that's the Saturday morning kids cartoon in the UK in the late 1960s/early 1970s, not the literary classic)... you know, the fella who goes "Siiiiiiiize.... of an elephant* !" But with a Paul Daniels** voice


    But what would your Wairizi The Invisible be like ?


    *or whatever such he desires
    **you probably have to be English to understand that
    ***the apple version of believe, or maybe just a typo

    Post edited by 3dcheapskate on
  • Sven DullahSven Dullah Posts: 7,621
    edited April 2023

    3dcheapskate said:

    But what would your Wairizi The Invisible be like ?

    I'd like to think he is a brilliant piano player, considering the number of limbs and eyes!?


    Kyklops Karl ds awe.png
    1200 x 1572 - 8M
    Post edited by Sven Dullah on
  • 3dcheapskate3dcheapskate Posts: 2,689
    edited April 2023

    Fourth Serious Gamer: "A brilliant piano player considering the number of limbs and eyes? What's he talking about."

    [Much confused exchanging of glances amongst the serious gamers...]

    Twelfth Serious Gamer: "Errr... isn't that a bugle of catharsis* he's holding?"

    [The Third Gerious Gamer commences the wise beard-strokey thing and puffs on an imaginary pipe]

    Fifth Serious Gamer: "And that looks like a Steinway of surprise behind him."

    [A wry smile slowly appears on the third serious gamer's face]

    Second Serious Gamer: "Bugles don't have those twiddly finger-pressy things - I think it's more likely to be a cornet of petulance*."

    First Serious Gamer: "But it says Palmgren on the side"

    Second Serious Gamer [to Twelfth]: "By the way, who in Crom's name are you ?"

    Fifth Serious Gamer [annoyed]: "Of course it does - the first thing you do when you get a Steinway of surprise is to paint over the brand with another one - it wouldn't be much of a surprise if it said Steinway Of Surprise on it, would it?"

    Third Serious Gamer: "You don't get it, do you ?"

    [everybody pauses and looks around, trying to work out which line of conversation to follow]

    Twelth Serious Gamer: "One of my characters once painted 'Steinway Of Surprise'  over the label on a Hammond Organ - that was funny!"

    [stunned silence]

    [Third Serious Gamer coughs a few times to draw attention to himself for the denouement...}

    Third Serious Gamer: "Wairizi's the one sitting at the piano!"

    [pause for dramatic effect]

    Voice from behind the Third Serious Gamer: "No I'm not..."

    Third Serious Gamer: "Who said that?"

    Fourth Serious Gamer: "So who's the cyclops then ?"

    Fifth Serious Gamer: "That's Eye-gor, Wairizi's factotum and general batman"

    Second Serious Gamer: "Wasn't he the angel in Barbarella ?

    First Serious Gamer: "Who ? General Batman ?

    Third Serious Gamer: "So where is he, this General Batman ? I don't see him - is he invisible too ? "

    Sixth Serious Gamer: "Shouldn't that be Ee-gor ?"

    Fifth Serious Gamer: "Isn't that a monocle of the beholder?"

    First Serious Gamer: "No, that was Pie-gor..."

    Fourth Serious Gamer: "Why's he wearing a pink tie?"

    Fifth Serious Gamer: "I think you're mixing your whatjamacallits - isn't pie gore what happens when killer clowns have a custard pie fight..."

    Sixth Serious Gamer: "I don't like the look of him - I'm gonna creep up behind him and bash him over the head..."

    Fourth Serious Gamer: "He didn't use the proper character sheet."

    [sound of dice being shaken and rolled]



    *a rather obscure literary reference

    Post edited by 3dcheapskate on
  • 3dcheapskate3dcheapskate Posts: 2,689
    edited November 2023

    And now for somebody who the serious gamers are already well-acquainted with (but some would rather forget)...

    [... sneeeek ... chigita-chigita-chigita ... woooOOP WOOOooop... thwwwllooumph ... ]

    we have for you...

    Hephastea Anvilthighs

    To be honest I can't remember much about her, other than that the serious gamers recall that she liked to hit things with a big hammer and had some earthy-flamey magic type stuff* going on. I think that's probably where the inspiration for Vinda-Loo and Zippo came from.


    *No, absolutely nothing to do with timey-wimey stuff - and far more pyrotechnic. Wasn't there something about her lighting her farts to produce a superpowered fireball ? I guess that made her more of a fire/airbender.

    707 x 831 - 94K
    Post edited by 3dcheapskate on
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