Lost my dad a few hours ago
Pixel8ted
Posts: 613
I am so broken right now. My dad died a few hour ago. He had complications after having a routine Colonoscopy. Please don't get these....
He was sent home but a couple of days after...earlier this week...he had surgery and was hospitalized due to severe abdominal pain; they had perforated his intestines. I board a plane from Missouri and head for Florida tomorrow don't know how I'm going get through the day. Don't know how I'm getting through tonight...can't eat...dry heaving...not handling stuff well.
I'm writing this because if it saves one other this pain...please, please, don't get one of these or let your family get these.
Daz 3D is part of 
Connect
DAZ Productions, Inc.
7533 S Center View Ct #4664
West Jordan, UT 84084
Licensing Agreement | Terms of Service | Privacy Policy | EULA
© 2026 Daz Productions Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Comments
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I know how very difficult it is to lose a parent and my thoughts are with you. Not a huge fan of traditional medicine so I will be sure to keep your warning in mind.
Thanks Kory. Maybe, you have the right idea. Lost my in-laws both in hospital related complications one last year and one year before last. Just trying to pull myself together and needed an outlet....
Don't know how I'm going to handle mom...going to spend next two weeks in FLA...have to leave my husband and kids here. Afraid she's going to do something stupid cause she talked him into getting the procedure and they had been arguing...even in the hospital. Can't handle my stuff...so....I'm asking myself how I'm going to handle hers.
I think even if everything is going well when you lose someone close you can go back and find things to be mad at yourself about. And I suspect it is human nature and part of the loss process to do that. I know when we lost my mom she had only been back from the hospital a couple of days and I looked for anything that I might have done wrong so I could blame it on myself. However, as I came to terms with the loss I realized that more than likely they were surprised she had made it as long as she had due to the condition of her heart. Eventually the why sort of dwindles in importance though I often feel like the loss part does not.
Perhaps you can find things to keep your mom busy after your gone. Not having time to dwell on things seems to help. And under the circumstances you might see if you can get her to go to a grief support group. Some place like that might help her put things into perspective so she can let herself off the hook some.
I'll keep you both in my thoughts.
I'm sorry for your loss.
In regards to your mom, make sure that she has a professional (psychologist) help her. A hospital might be able to provide one who's specialized in dealing with this. Also,don't shoulder this yourself. Find someone to talk to, so that the anger and pain you feel doesn't turn into something worse and destroys you in the end.
Every operation/way of examination has its risks, even something like pulling your teeth or adding eye drops for the eye eyamination - as long as there are humans performing them even more. Your mom just wanted what was best for your dad, because she loves him and worries for him. Everyone, also the doctors who performed the examination, expected things to go fine. A routine examination, as you said. In your father's case, it went terribly, horribly wrong. No one wished for this, or wanted this. Least of all your mom. I pray that she will find the strength to forgive herself for something that is not her fault.
First of all, I am so sorry about your father. You are going to be there for your mother and I know that your father would appreciate that. Take it hour by hour, one decision at a time, and do the best you can. It will be enough. What part of Florida are you coming to? I'm in Pensacola.
Got a little sleep...might go back to bed in a bit as I took a couple of Ibuprofen PM. It is a small world. I leave KCMO this evening for Pensacola FL. My parents current house is in Cantonment FL. Luckily, had just been down there last June so my kids got to meet him. We spent a week down there...so glad my husband suggested doing that instead of going to Colorado which we almost did. I grew up in the Pensacola area...Beulah to be specific.
My brother says that they have grave lots at the cemetery next to Five Flags Speedway. Dad loved going to those races up there and my brother said he thought it was kind of cool that his grave site will be right there near the track he liked going to.
I'm PM'ing you.
Cathie
My deepest sympathies and you will be in my prayers. I lost my father a couple years ago, and it was a rough time.
So sorry to hear this. As Khory said, its really normal for people to find things to feel guilty about. I know when my dad died both my sister and I felt this horrible guilt for not letting my Dad have 2nds of the Chinese food we had for dinner. Stupid stupid thing to feel guilty about and senseless becasue we said no because we loved him. But the human mind does strange things when we are grieving. Love you mother, reassure her that your Dad DID know how much she loved him and that this is NOT her fault. And someone professional to talk to or a grief group as suggested won't hurt either.
I'm sorry for your loss... Nothing words can say will ease your loss, but I'm sure your dad knows you and your mom love him... Neither you nor your mom could have foreseen this and her insistence on him getting the exam was to save him from a far worse fate... Years back someone we knew died from colon cancer... It was horrible and had they caught it a few months earlier, it would have been bad but survivable. It was a horrible protracted event that lasted many months and left the family shattered. This is what your mom was trying to protect him from and you should let her know... If a boat is in distress and you insist someone get on a lifeboat to save their life, but the lifeboat sinks instead of the boat... You can't blame yourself because you followed the proper, logical procedure... You did the right thing, the person who failed to perform proper maintenance on the lifeboat is probably the one to blame, but not the person who tried to do the right thing. That's probably a terrible analogy, but what the point is, is you both wanted the best for him and there was no way to foresee that outcome. I should stop talking now, but please be well, remember the good things, the good times, take joy in your love and don't dwell on how this came to be...
Be well and stay strong now.
So sorry for your sudden loss. Just being there will help your Mom a lot. And yes, grief support groups help many people enormously.There is risk in EVERY medical procedure-I hope your Mom is abe to stop blaming herself. A grief counselor or priest, minister can help with this- help her to reach out.
If you are still unable to eat- I recomend small amounts of broth-even cup of noodles without the noodles, and saltines. Blessings to you.
So sorry for your loss. Thanks for sharing and god bless.
I'm sorry: God bless you and give you comfort.
My father passed away almost two years ago. Condolences and strength to you and your family.
I'm very sorry to read that.
Oh my, how horrid. I'm so sorry.
I'm so very sorry for the lose you've had.
I am more sorry than I can say for you and your Mom. Be kind to each other, even in you pain and justified rage. How horrible that your dad died in such a way! Not that any way would have been acceptable, or less painful. You will both get through this, because you're a strong person.
I am very sorry for your loss.
I'm very sorry for your loss. With time will come the comfort of memories. Take the time to grieve, but remember to live and be happy as I am sure that is what your father would want.
So sorry for your loss. Times like this can be confusing and unsettling, as well as extremely difficult. Try to be supportive for your mother, as well as other family members, and try to gratiously accept any support given to you.
Unfortunately the feeling of loss never really goes away, but it does hurt less with time. If possible, being mindfull and thankful of the great opportunity to have known your father, rather than focusing on your loss, as this can also help you through some of the difficult times ahead.
Take care and godspeed with your journey.
Sorry to hear about your loss.
I'm sorry for your loss. I got a good idea what you feel like, my father died from the after-effects of a heart-attack the day after Christmas, also in the hospital. Six weeks and it still doesn't feel like it's real.
The coming weeks will be hard for you, but as stupid as it sounds, it'll get better with time (so everyone keeps assuring me) and you WILL get through this. There WILL be a time when this horror right now is just a painful memory. And don't forget you are not ever alone, not here, not in the real world.
I wish you all the strength in the world.
I losat my dad on a Sunday night a few years back as well. I was 3000 miles away and got to spend some time with him a few months prior I feel your pain..
I lost my mom while I was in the hospital myself. I felt horrible I couldn't be there for her, but with time the pain does ease. Nothing you or your mother did was to blame. Comforting and being there for each other in your time of loss will see you through. My thoughts and prayers go with you.
Barubary- I'm so sorry to hear about your dad too. Six weeks isn't that long when you consider you had him your lifetime, so no wonder it doesn't seem like it's been that long. Hugs!
I'am sorry to hear of your dad
I'm sorry for your pain and your loss.
It is a very minimal risk that a colonoscopy will cause a perferation but a risk none-the-less and one that must be weighed before undergoing the proceedure. I have a genetic predisposition to colon cancer which is a type of cancer that grows very slowly and colonoscopies every 5 years ensures that any cancer is nipped in the bud (or perhaps nipped in the butt might be more accurate way to put it). Last colonoscopy discovered a cancerous polyp which was eliminated before it had a chance to grow into something troublesome.
If you have a predisposition to colon cancer a colonoscopy is really the best, most accurate method of screening for cancer.
So sorry to hear that, and for your loss
Sorry for your loss