Feedback on my web series??
cosmicdawnseries
Posts: 236
in The Commons
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=BRHQhdI8_n8
id like some feedback on preview of episode I'm working on what do you guys think ? Animator is Imago
thanks
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Comments
I really like the part when the two characters are talking, but the camera movement leading up to that is stiff. You might want to try a pan and then slowly zoom on the bed, and then cut to your character in bed. It's not an action scene, so you don't want to go crazy with camera movement, but the angled dolly shots are a little odd, and take more rendering time than necessary.
That's just my 2 cents. I look forward to seeing more. The characters are fun.
Thank you so much for your feedback! I'll try my best only problem I have is I have no film experience I really need watch video tutorials or even try a course but thanks ! I'm glad u liked it
I like it, loved when she is just barely waking up. Looking forward for more.
Long, LONG ago i had a dream of becoming a film director and actually studied it for a couple years. So i hope you don't mind some feedback on this.
I think there is at least one shot were you crossed a bit the "axis"(or "line of action") between the characters(from 0:26).
You basically need to make an invisible line between both characters, and all cameras must be positioned on the same side. If the characters move, the axis need correction, but you should always keep the cameras in the same side.
The image is from this page; it has a few pointers on the subject, including a better explanation of what i just said: https://www.utdallas.edu/atec/midori/Handouts/camera.htm
Another thing, don't know if it is explained there, is that closeups are not usually done with frontal angles or perpendicular to the line of action. What you should do is place the camera on the oposite side of the character far away but closer to the line of action. Imagine this. Instead of 3 cameras placed (on the same side), place 5 cameras. 1- Is still for wide shots of both characters. 2 and 3 are user for full or half body of single characters. For headshots, you need 4 and 5 placed closer to the axis and further away.
For this to work well in closed environments you will need for the walls to be removed or at least invisible. In your case, while you have a big room, your characters are interacting too close to one side and in a corner, a very difficult spot to shot. Other things that might help are placing the bed more in the middle or even oposite side of the room; or shoot directly from the other side of the line of action.
Sorry if went too far with this feedback. But filming subject transported me to some good old days.
OMG thank you so much Wolfwood for this! and no any feedback ill be greatful for iv had no expeince in film what so ever im just a guy with a dream xD any other advice you can give me ill be greatful for :)))) thank you
Congratulations on having the courage to put it out there.
There's a lot of panning about the room, but it didn't reveal anything that the viewers really needed to know, or probably hadn't already constructed in their mental model of her room.
On that same point, WHY wasn't there anything? Something as intimate as a girl's room should have told us volumes about who this girl is. Something that aligns her with what the viewer thinks about girls in real life, so that the Birthday Girl starts to become real and we can care about her experiences. Empathize with her. Even foresee what the story might be about. The goal is to create emotional investment... a reason to want to keep watching instead of doing one's taxes or getting some sleep.
You've established, in my mind, two things: the Birthday Girl is a sweet girl, but not a disciplined girl. The maid is closer to the Birthday Girl than her actual family. If neither of these is what has created the initial tension, the difference in where the character is and where the character wants to be, then why devote time to establish these characteristics? If she's going to have to soon assume some great responsibility and that's the story, then her greatest concern currently being jam tarts is significant. If the maid is going to be fired, or die, and she is the only person Birthday Girl can talk to, then her closeness is significant. If not, then the scene was adorable :) but didn't otherwise give viewers anything to grab onto that will "resonate" later.
A Gothic room, a Victorian maid, and American accents makes it difficult to orient. What is the setting in time and space?
A cold room, but nothing in the fireplace... who is torturing this poor girl?
Two things that I see over and over in stories that I've considered "good":
Information asymmetry. The viewers or even antagonists know something that the protagonist doesn't... do the viewers know that there's really a surprise birthday party? Then her not getting out of bet becomes a source of tension.
Foreshadowing. Does the story make me guess about what is going to happen, so that I can't stop watching until I know for sure? If the viewers had a reason to doubt that the jam tarts actually existed, then I would simply have to watch to find out.
Your dialog works, and the Birthday Girl is adorable. I'd watch this.
whao TheMysteryIsThePoint you have blown my mind your feedback was 100 percent spot on and even got me thinking of you things you suggested WHICH if am honest i didn't think about those things until you said ill tell you some things that uncovers as the scene progresses and i would love to hear you feedback on it? or anyone elses in the thread
first of its set in the around the 1500s its a dark fantasy series the story has magic elf's vampires werewolfs orcs etc the girls name is Elena she is infact a princess originally i wanted the maid(Golda) to say goodmorning princess BUT Golda raised Elena since her mother died she was around 8 years old when her mother did die ( shes closer to somone else aswell maybe closer ) so im glad i excuted them showing there closes and LOL well theres log's near the fire but no logs in the fireplace my intenstion was to make the veiwers to think its summer? maybe i could do somthing better ? BUT thank you so much for you feedback its made my day :)
I'm glad you appreciated it. Are the other episodes somewhere? What you are doing is pretty ambitious, and big congrats to you for just doing it.
Great links, @Wolfwood, I raided both of professor Kitagawa's classes for handouts :) I don't have any formal training either, just what I get through osmosis from people with whom I colaborate who *do* know about the technical side of filmmaking. This is something that we altogether ignore on this site, perhaps understandably. Maybe you should start a topic; I would read it religiously and offer the links I've come across.
thank you so much ^^ well yes infact i have 3 epsiodes but there very low quality this epsiode im working on is epsiode 4 but heres epsiode 1-3 if you wnat look at them or give feedback on them :O and thank you :)
= https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSX71e5gqrc&t=102s
Not to critique it, just wanted to watch it :) We have a cool community and it's nice to see what people's passion has produced.
EDIT: Woah. Everyone should check this out... Well done, @cosmicdawnseries.
That was fantastic. That intro with the twist on the narrator usual point of view is excelent. Yes, the rest may be "lower" quality compared to the other video, but it does not mean is bad; specially considering that action scenes are really hard.
TY. I wish i rememberd more of my time studing these subjects, but it was literally over 15 years ago and i completely abandoned it, even as hobby
Sometimes things pop in my mind, specially since i got back to 3D (something i only touched briefly before studing filming) and see camera/lens options or lights; but is still a slow process to catch up.
thank you so much BUT sorry Imago did the first 3 minutes he created all that i just added the music and voice :/ but yes Imago also made 90 percent of all the animations :) and thank you so much!!! :)))
@cosmicdawnseries, you just validated what I've thought all along. Nobody will care if the animation is Disney level, completely amateur, or anywhere in between if there is an interesting story and something better to care about. A few seconds in, I was immersed and agreed to be transported to wherever the story was going to take me. I think the true job of the animation is simply to not break the agreement previously made between the storyteller and the viewer: "OK, suspend your disbelief, engage your imagination, work with what I'm presenting, and I'll tell you a story that is worth your time."
BTW, I won't give away any of the plot, but I loved the growing intensity in the narrarator's read as the central conflict was revealed.
Alright, seriously @cosmicdawnseries, you had better tell us where the rest of the episodes are and be quick about it :)
thankyou! and thats it sorry i only have 3 epsiode im currenty working on espsiode 4 thats were im going to use Iray :) but my dream i hope one day is to get cosmic dawn popluar enough were it may be on netiflixs or somthing xD and thank you so much it means alot you been so postive :))))
2 = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nvN9GZlf28s&t=6s
3 = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4AgUsyEbJxU&t=83s
I straight up loved it! The fight scene with the bandits was great, and the other scene, the confrontation with the you-know-what was suspense, and heart breaking. I also love the vampire attacking the woman in the opening sequence. There's lots of cool stuff in there... and interesting characters that I want to know more about, especially the Elf.
But I absolutely KNOW that you play D&D... going to the tavern, asking for an ale, and being hired by the authorities to investigate some banditry, haha!
Thank you so much it means a lot that you liked it I'm always hesitant on my old work because it looks outdated but sorry no I never have! But iv always wanted to! But I look roleplaying games like Skyrim hehe
Ah the elf's name is ena here's another shirt preview of episode 4 = https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=KAFYwOsM2bY
animation is slow but I don't need tell you guys haha
The writing of the series is good. It hints at the potential for a compelling story with interesting characters. Having played Elder Scroll and Dungeons Siege type RPGs it's easy recognize elements of these characters, and it will be fun to watch them grow and develop. I'm sure there are more members of the group to be intoduced over time. The voice acting of the main characters is pretty good too. The visual style of rendering for the first three episodes seemed very muted and unrefined. Definitely like the visual look of episode 4. Huge improvement. Perhaps you'll be able to go back and re render the earlier stuff at some point. I would certainly keep watching the series for the storytelling. Thumbs up.
Lots of good feedback so far. The first thing I noticed was no sound. Except for the dialog there is dead air. you need some ambient noise. birds chirping, armour clancking, servants messing about the castle. There is almost never total silence. Also You tube has resources tor royalty free music that might make some good back ground sound.
thank you so much FirstBastion and dennisgray41 :) yes dennisgray41 you are right i shall fix this im going add music in the finishing epsiode just need first get it made i looked on yotube for royal free music but meh some of them dont fit the scene that iv tryed but i could look for more :P but thank both of you <3
Nice sim on Rhia's fur overcoat...
sorry sim on :o?
Sorry, it's her cape.
haha yeah its cool i like it :)
Also does anyone know were I can get more daz animators ? Imago is awesome but I could do with a few more ?? Thanks ????