Aging and Death
Ron Knights
Posts: 2,123
Sorry, I'm feeling a bit morose, depressed, whatever. I moved back to Minnesota after my parents resettled here. I hadn't seen my brother in around 30 years. I moved into the same building with my brother. Within a couple years my parents were no longer able to drive 30 miles one way to visit my brother and me. Now my brother might need to relocate to an assisted living facility. Within a 4-year span, I'll be alone again.
This experience shows just how fast people can age, and their health can severely restrict their activities.
I really love the location and building where I live. We have a fantastic community. We have no troubles with neighbors, crime concerns, etc. My last few years in Maine we marked by a marraige and divorce. The last year I lived in Maine, we were hit by a series of arson fires that traumatized me. i didn't might leaving the fear or fires, and memories of my ex-wife behind when I moved to Minnesota.
I could move to the St Paul area to be closer to my parents. I'd have access to public transportation, busses and light rail transit. I have no idea when my parents might be forced to relocate due to health concerns. Moving is very traumatic to me, for emotional and physical reasons. Well, I likely alienated some people with these concerns. It felt good to unload, anyway.
Daz 3D is part of 
Connect
DAZ Productions, Inc.
7533 S Center View Ct #4664
West Jordan, UT 84084
Licensing Agreement | Terms of Service | Privacy Policy | EULA
© 2025 Daz Productions Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Comments
nods. sits by tavern fireplace to reminisce
So sorry to hear about your brother, those kinds of changes are tough.
I'm in Iowa, and my family and I are headed up to Shakopee, MN for our yearly Renaissance fair trip next Sat. If it's not too far and you feel like getting out for the day you are more then welcome to join us there for hanging out and watching shows.
I hear ya buddy! I just lost my father unexpectedly in May so that is both folks gone now. Being disabled and homebound currently makes for some really tough days on occasion, but tomorrow is a new day and already better than this one!
Expect miracles... and do not ignore the little ones that pop up everywhere.
Thanks for the sympathy, deathbycanon and JazzyBear.
I live in Hastings and don't have a car. I really can't get much of anywhere unless someone with a car picks me up. And I won't have any money till October. But I'd really love to meet some friends.
it's funny but I have a car and drive 60KM round trip to work and see way too many people
I long for isolation and peace
seems we all want something different to what we are dealt
my neighbours terrify me
If you have good neighbors, that's a real comfort. Perhaps your parents could move to a facility in your location when the time comes?
I am thinking moving is traumatic on anyone, unless one lives in a suitcase or an RV. Or maybe it is just you and me who find moving so hard. I do not want to move but my roommate is driving me crazy with her inability to shut up.
I sometimes think of death because my grandmother is no longer with us. I miss her.
Thanks again, friends, for your kind words. My family life is complicated. My mother & father divorced when I was about 15 years old. My mother never really stayed in touch. She died when I was 48. I didn't hear about it until a year after the fact. Over the years, my Dad remarried twice. The second wife was very nice, and did her best. It was a difficult role for her. That marriage ended when I was 30 I think. Dad married his 3rd wife in 1980. She had adult kids from a previous marriage. That family centered around the St Paul, Minnesota area. Over the years, my parents moved around, even went to England for awhile.
My parents finally decided to return to Minnesota a few years ago. They settled in the St Paul area. They're close to my wife's daughter. They'll stay in that area.
I am 68 years old, and heavy. It's hard for me just to walk around, let alone moving boxes, etc. I took a plane when I moved from Maine to Minnesota. I had a hard time getting on the plane, getting out of the seat, etc. It's hard for me to do everyday chores, let alone moving boxes etc. When I first got here I didn't have a bed. I slept on an air mattress that kept losing air. It was torture.
I prefer to live alone, unless I have a steady romantic relationship with a woman. I was married for about 5 years. Both of us knew it was a mistake, but held on for awhile. We parted on friendly terms. I finally told her that I could bear seeing her when she had already moved on.
Ron, Ron, Ron...don't ever feel bad for sharing here. We're all friends and don't mind sharing the load. If you move to St. Paul, do they have some sort of Section 8 housing you could move to? That's what my mom did when she got to the point she couldn't get up and down stairs in her apartment anymore. It was all ppl her age, but they had lots of activities in the building, they went to the library, the mall, etc. My mom still had her car and did a lot of driving, and she often picked up things for the ppl who were disabled and couldn't get out and didn't have a car. The building had a bus that took them places like the mall and grocery store a couple times a week. They have an elevator so none of the residents had to carry things up stairs, etc. She only paid on a sliding scale which was $218 a month. And due to her being in the 'poverty' level due to her social security, she qualified for breaks on her electric. It was ideal. My mom had her own 1 bedroom apartment which was so cute and nice. She did have to have inspections by the state since it was Section 8 housing, but she never had any issues. She even had an emergency call button in her bedroom if she needed help.
If you go to St. Paul, do they have that type of housing? You'd still live on your own and be independent just like you are now. But if you want and have a hard time getting around, you could always go to assisted living. You'd still have your own apartment, but with the advantage of having staff there 24/7. They'd help with your meds and personal things like showers if you needed it. Otherwise they only check on you and you're free to do as you please. Sure, there will be lots of seniors there, but you have family close by and public transportation to get around. So that sounds like a viable option.
Don't close the door on moving. You never know until you take that first step.
We've all got a history. I know I have one that makes me emotionally suffer every day. I'm on 2 anti-depressants and am maxed out on the dosages of both of them. Also take an anti-anxiety med. Plus all the other meds I take for other health issues. I live with things every day that I regret and will never get over as long as I live. Things just haunt me all the time with 'what if'. If I'd known then what I know now is what they say, right? Sometimes you just have to take that leap of faith and see where you land.
Hugz, Suze
sapat, thanks for your support. Our building is run by a wonderful company that also has many great properties. I could likely find something suitable. The difficutly with this location in Hastings is that it's so far out of the metropolitan area. It's 27 miles from Minneapols.
That might not seem very far. But it puts me out of the reach of the regular bus services, etc. Much of our healthcare opportunities ends up being spread to other cities or towns. That's a major problem because it's very expensive, or perhaps impossible to travel to a different town for a medical appointment. By contrast, I lived in Minneapolis, MN for around 20 years. I could easily hop on a bus and go to many places in the Metropolitan area. For awhile I lived very close to the Hennepin County Medical Center, a major health care facility in the area. St Paul has similar options.
When I first arrived in Minnesota, I settled in St Paul because my parents and brothers were in the area. I got a job with Target Stores, in their corporate headquarters in Minneapolis, and moved to Minneapolis. I do have vague memories of St Paul, going back to the 1970s. Things have changed, both in Minneapolis and St Paul in recent decades. I get to see a bit of St Paul when my parents bring me to their condominium. I could most likely get acquainted with St Paul rather easily.
I hope my brother could be moved to the Assisted Living facility that is actually connected to our apartment building. But he insists they don't have a "lift" machine that could easily lift him out of bed, etc. It is hard to communicate with my brother sometimes. He tends to change the reality of what I understand. I was in his apartment when the ambulance medics were getting ready to leave. They said every Assisted Living facility had a lift. David denies they ever said that.
When it comes to my parents, I know they've accepted my step sister as their main focus, rather than dad's two remaining sons. That's OK. She helps them a lot, driving them to appointments, etc. I would have a better chance of seeing Dad if I moved to the St Paul area.
I've decided to drink a 16oz can of strong beer. I'm a bit looped. Maybe it's time for a nap. Thanks again, everyone for your support. I wish you all the best. I know what it's like to live with Depression, Anxiety, etc. My family has a history of emotional challenges. My birth mother spent most of her life in and out of "institutions." Some of her life story would make for some rather frightening illustrated stories. We're also familiar with suicides, etc. I take anti depressants, anti anxiety meds, blood pressure meds, etc. My current MD thinks all my problems are because I'm fat. I'm about ready to finally dump him and ask for another doctor. Take care.
Ron, it seems like a small world sometimes. I was born in St. Paul many decades ago, but moved to Iowa when I was 2. I'm in Florida now. I still have a cousin in St. Paul and a niece in St. Louis Park, near Minneapolis/St. Paul. From your description, it sounds like St. Paul would be a good home for you. Moving might be difficult, but you only go through that once, and then your daily life could be much easier with better medical and transportation opportunities, and family near by. It is something to think about, but don't let us talk you into something! Only you really understand the personal tradeoffs.
barbult, thanks for your support. The phrase sounds a bit repetitive, but it's sometimes the best I can muster. Over the decades, I've done my long distance moving via UPS. I box up what I can and ship it. This time around I'd hope to find a volunteer agency to help. The biggest factor right now is my brother. I want to stay here if he ends up in a place that I can easily visit. My brother can be a bit of a challenge, but he's the only brother I have left. My other brother died in 1987.
Yeah, I'm fairly aware of the various suburbs or cities near the St Paul and Minneapolis area. I may have actually been to St Louis Park for something.... Most of my employment and shopping centered around Minneapolis. But I did live in White Bear Lake, a suburb of St Paul, I believe. I worked for a time, in Edina, at the Best Buy corporate warehouse, etc.
I would desire to move to an area where the bus or light rail transit was easily available on a frequent basis. My parents live near the Rosedale shopping center. I think that's where they have an Apple Store! That would be Heaven to me!
...some tough times indeed. Went though a number of those myself but that is another story for a different time. The important part is you have come through them. I agree with Sapat, don't feel down about mentioning this.
Only a few years younger and I too dislike moving passionately as it is so disruptive. Crikey, I'm still unpacking stuff I got out of my storage unit back last fall and I've been in my current place for just over a year. I know the difficulty of not having a vehicle and depending on others (needed to do that when I moved from my last place, cost me around 120$ just to pay for the rental van someone else drove - so much for that "39$ a Day" claim). I haven't driven or had a car since the late 1970s and otherwise have got along pretty well (either lived in cities with good transit or small towns I could walk/cycle across).
The good part, even though this last move was a total pain in the bum, finally having my own place again (I was in a shared situation) with many services within walking distance and excellent access to transit (one of the best systems in the nation) was worth the trouble and expense.
Not sure what rental costs in St Paul or Minneapolis are, here in Portland they're ridiculous (as in most west coast cities), Fortunately I was able to clear a list for a low income unit.
Also a former midwestener here as well (Wisconsin), but left 38 years ago because winters were getting too harsh for me (chronic arthritis issues even when I was young). Grew up in Milwaukee and ended up living in Stevens Point, just "down the road apiece" from MSP on old US 10.
Ron, I’m assuming, since you are posting here, that maybe you want advice. I know people who are your age and they are very active and social and hang out, go to parties with and fit in with people half their age. The difference? They are healthy. If you are that overweight, you are not eating healthy. Eat more fruits, vegetables, lean protein, nuts, cut out all junk food, take vitamins. I know that all sounds obvious but good health and a healthy weight can solve a plethora of problems including depression. I’m not talking about depriving yourself or feeling hungry, just replace all junk foods or foods with chemicals or that have no nutritional value with real food that grows on trees or exists in nature and have no chemical additives. This will make a huge difference, I promise! Also take good daily vitamins, Omega 3s ( or eat nuts, seeds, flax, etc...) Once your body is healthy, a whole new world will open up! What do you have to lose?
Some more health tips: cut out all table salt and replace (in small amounts) with Pink Himalayan salt ($1.99 at Trader Joe’s, also available on Amazon.) Crave sweets? Get frozen fruit and eat frozen like popcorn, fun! Read all labels on packages, avoid chemical additives. Don’t drink diet soda, have flavored water instead. Move. Walk. Move your arms and legs while watching TV to start. Walk around your block (maybe you’ll meet some cool people!)
The health of your body is very important to mental health as well and it sounds like you may be depressed. Good health can really improve these things!
No problem Ron. If we don't help each other, then it's a sad world. It's your decision of course, you just have to decide if you want to be close to public transit and family, or stay where you are. It's food for thought.
Also, do you have MeetUp and Lyft/Uber where you are? MeetUp and Eventbrite are two great apps that show you what is going on in your area and you can get there with Lyft or Uber...
I've been living in "low income" Senior Housing for many years. That can be difficult. Sometimes these places don't even have a waiting list because they don't anticipate any vacancies for a long time. One can literally say people are dying to get out of here. I won't abandon my brother as long as I'm easily able to visit him. He could likely end up almost anywhere, maybe even in St Paul.
Wonderland, yes I could do better with my dietary intake. I don't use any table salt. I only get salt in whatever food I eat. I pretty much limit my junkfood consumption to once a month. That includes potato chips, soda, etc. I actually lost 45 pounds since I arrived in MN. My doctor and I were surprised and happy.
We don't have Lyft or Uber here. We're too far from the "Twin Cities." Right now I'm just trying not to get too excited. I want to stay in touch with my brother to see how he's doing.