[Semi-OT] It's My Birthday And I'll Cry If I Want To

Comments

• barbult Posts: 26,256

  August 2016

  Happy Birthday. I hope your back is feeling better soon. Remember that there is always another sale just around the corner. And new and better things keep coming out. Waiting is not always bad. If you are like me, you have more content than you can use already in your library anyway. The new and shiny product is always tempting, but after a couple of months living without it, I often wonder why I had been tempted to buy it in the first place. I'm glad to hear that your pet survived her mishap. Pets can be good for your overall well being, I hear.
• kaotkbliss Posts: 2,914

  August 2016

  Don't feel too bad (I hope) they just cut my whole department at work so I am pretty much without a job atm To add to the fun, the transmission in my truck started slipping, just after dumping a bunch of $ in it to get it to pass e-check, then having a tire get a hole in the sidewall (the guy I bought the truck from put specialty tires on it so 1 tire costs $200 to replace. And that's the cheapest tire that will fit the rim)

   

  I hope your back feels better and you enjoy your birthday despite  the bumps along the way :)
• evilded777 Posts: 2,482

  August 2016

  I hope the cat is ok....
• McGyver Posts: 7,085

  August 2016 edited August 2016

  You should make the cat pay for his/her own surgery... Unless, those are anchovy earrings, I suspect your cat has been smuggling valuables out of your house and pooping them out at the local pawnshop... You may have occasionally noticed your cat acting suspiciously and having a hard time fitting through the pet door with that odd stereo shaped bulge in its body.

  As I've warned people before, cats are prone to Nip addiction and will often start stealing from their own families... Eventually it will lead to a life of crime and possibly a desperate shootout with the local authorities. Cats are terrible with most automatic weapons and they rarely make it out alive in the event they get cornered in some sleezy hotel or back alley, so if you love your cat, work this out soon or at least makes sure it pays you back what it owes. But this is a really serious situation...

  You have two choices, One- ignore my advice because I'm quite insane... Eight- get a dog... Or Four- Start taking the cat's painkillers, because actually they are really groovy and way, way better than the stuff they give people.

  I realize this is a personal matter and you probably aren't soliciting advice from a total stranger wearing gorilla costumes... Yeah, I'm wearing a gorilla costume... I was mowing the lawn and... Eh, never mind, it's a long story... But anyway, I realize you were probably just venting your frustration... Mainly because you actually said that... I'm not psychic, well not anymore... but despite that, I feel the need to hand out some advice... Really I think it's the gorilla costume, it makes me feel very wise and intellectual... I wonder if a chain of self help centers where the advisers are dressed as gorillas, would be profitable and help turn people's lives around?  People respect gorillas... Right?... I'm gonna have to look into this...

  Anyway, what I was originally saying was that it is obvious your cat probably has a nip addiction and you are facing some hard choices, but you should have a sit-down with the cat and explain that you are going to make it pay for its own expenses from now on and that stealing from the family to support its nip addiction is not acceptable, especially when the neighbors have better stuff and their stupid fat little Yorkie-chihuahua-dachshund thing is a real pushover and has an extra wide pet door... Really, you could fit a whole iMac sideways through that thing if you tilted it just right.    Explain to your cat that while you don't condone a life of crime, it's obvious it's too late, so at least do it right and stop with this low brow stuff... Come on, they don't call them "Cat Burglars" because they steal cats... Wait... Do they?... I don't think so... Anyway, take the cat around to a couple of pawn shops and see if they can get better prices for their swag and make sure you stay on top of this, because cats are known to double cross their partners or hold back on the stash... Actually, for all I know, you may have already had this talk with the cat and that's how you fell... A cat will try and kill you if it thinks it's schemes are in jeopardy or you change to a cheaper cat food.

  Which brings me to my next point... I'm sorry you fell out the window at 1:00 am while on crappy painkillers... Wait, was that what happened?... I should check that fact... No... Sorry, you only said fell, not out of what... But, however you fell, or whatever ungodly thing you were doing late at night, I'm sure it hurt... I know, because I'm always falling out of stuff... Sometimes stuff that's on fire, sometimes the stuff itself is falling, sometimes I'm just sitting in a chair drinking rum and tequila... But I know that it's never really something you expect... Well, except for the rocket wheelchair, I mean that was pretty stupid... Admittedly, it was already on fire a little when I got in it, but it was for science and sometimes you have to make sacrifices for the greater good and say, "Okay, it's already burning a little bit, but if I jump in now, I might be able to finish my beers before the engines explode..."  It helps to not do this on a roof, by the way, but we don't have cliffs around here and I wanted to test the parachutes... Which I probably should have purchased before I started the test... But now I know, I should number my lists better.

  But I think my point was that I sympathize with your falling pain... Or something about buying parachutes first... Either way, you are probably injured and have a diabolical cat plotting your demise and don't need me writing long posts trying to make you feel better about your life... No... I didn't do that yet... I really gotta stop numbering things on my lists out of order... "G" isn't even a number... Whatever... Things could be worse... You could be like that guy up there that posted about waking up covered in leeches... Wait, that was me too... Well, don't go to sleep with a jar of leeches in your lap, especially not a large jar.  I suppose when one tries to make someone else feel better about their injuries or misfortune by relating a story of their own misery, one risks sounding like they are trying to outdo the other guy... The old "you think that is bad... Well, I got eaten by penguins at the zoo" scenario... And that can degenerate the whole conversation into a pissing match, and then all you are left with is bad feels, soggy furniture and smelly pets.  

  Don't ever pee on a badger.

  I think the person who posted above about getting laid off and driving around in a pickup truck full of leeches did it just right... He conveyed empathy and mutually commiserated, while sharing important information about tire prices.... Admittedly, I'm very bad at remembering previous posts or interpreting them, so that may not have been what that was about, but I think the point is... Just hang in there... It could be worse... You could be covered in leeches, on fire or have a house cat plotting to kill you... Sorry, that last one was you... Bad example... Terrible circumstances, but bad example... How about...  You could have just peed on a drunken badger, but you yourself are really too drunk to run away and your pants just fell down and you weren't wearing underwear because they all caught on fire when the dishwasher exploded, and you are hoping the badger is more drunk then you.  That would be a bad situation and a great time to jump into you rocket wheelchair... But make sure to order parachutes first... And install them... And probably don't get into a pissing match on the roof with a drunk badger... Or steal badgers from the local petting zoo... You should probably not swap out the bunnies and chinchillas at the local petting zoo, for badgers and skunks, no matter how much you need bunnies and chinchillas for your small pet civil war reenactments... 

  Is any of this helping... ?

  If you are like most people the answer is probably either... 1- No, but at least I'm not you... 4- What? I stopped reading after the first three sentences... 3- Orange... 9- I agree, my wife should stop wearing jewelry made out of tasty seafood... SQUARE- None of this was helpful and I now know why my roof caught on fire and there was a drunk pissy smoldering badger in the yard... 2- Numbering list items in order is an important skill.

  Well, I hope you feel better...  I certainly don't... I think I have a problem... Possibly several... That and I think the badger knows where I live.

  Anyway... Happy Fricken' Birthday... A day late, but at least there's that... 

  I hope next year is better.

  Cheers and Beers.

  Post edited by McGyver on August 2016