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OT: How do you handle telemarketers
Posted: 17 October 2012 08:44 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 31 ]
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I tell them I am naked.

Then I start breathing heavily.

Then I tell them to keep talking…...

For some reason, they hang up after that, especially if they are guys.

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Posted: 17 October 2012 09:00 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 32 ]
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I think legitimate telemarketers and scammers are all over the world… here in Thailand they busted a gang of Chinese nationals that were making calls to mainland China and Taiwan from the province of Nonthaburi (right next to Bangkok). News article here.

Not all of them are “evil”, like mentioned earlier in the thread, some of them are just doing this for additional income. I usually get calls at the office asking me if I am interested in someone manage my investment portfolio. Depending on how amiable the person on the other line is…

(a) “I am sorry, please call back in another 15 years as I have no money to make any kind of investment.”
(b) “Can you tell me more about investing in…” (insert random unrelated topic… i.e. offsetting carbon footprints in the Greater Mekong Subregion)
(c) “Please hold…” (and then I put them on hold and go back to work, they eventually hang up)

If what they are selling is genuinely uninteresting for me, they are wasting my time, so I try to waste as much of theirs as well.

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Posted: 17 October 2012 11:08 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 33 ]
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I start speaking in a elderly woman voice (I am a 52 yr old man). I really do a good job. My wife is doing her best not to bust out laughing. I tell them I’m hard of hearing. I just lead them on and on while having a blast with it. Sometimes I make them think I’m rich, other times I tell them I’m poor. It just depends on the call. Either way, they finally give up when they realize I’m a bit senile and they’re just not going to get anywhere with me.

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Posted: 17 October 2012 11:32 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 34 ]
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I was on the phone with a particularly fervent seller of magazine subscriptions.  After many “No thank you”‘s I used my best “I didn’t want to tell you this but—” voice and said, “I’m blind”.”
Dead silence.  Then, “Oh my god.”
“It’s ok.”
“I’m…..I’m so sorry.”
“It’s ok.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“It’s ok.  You didn’t know.”
“I’m….I’m s-sorry.  Oh I’m ....please…I’m so sorry.”
“It’s ok.  Really.”
“Oh, sir.  I feel so….please…I’m sorry.”

Another caller, who started off in an incredibly cheerful tone asked “Hey friend!  How ya doing?  That’s great!  Can I speak to the lady of the house please?”
I said,  “Oh I’m so sorry.  She’s dead.  Or…..she will be in a few minutes.”

And then there were the many “police departments” who only took credit card numbers and wanted to know if I would donate to their youth programs or if I wanted to purchase a ticket to their young peoples’ fair and craft show.  My typical response was, “Oh I would absolutely love to, but I’m not allowed in Burlingame anymore.  It’s silly really.  It’s just a big misunderstanding.  I mean they called it a bomb but (tsk) nobody actually got hurt.”

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Posted: 18 October 2012 06:28 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 35 ]
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Skullsplitter - 17 October 2012 06:53 PM

I just answer the phone (when it’s a number i don’t recognise) with Norfolk Police Fraud Squad - soon gets rid of the scammers.

Just tried saying “Norfolk Police Fraud Squad” aloud. It’s quite a tongue-twister. LOL

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Posted: 18 October 2012 08:41 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 36 ]
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Ledhead - 17 October 2012 11:08 PM

I start speaking in a elderly woman voice (I am a 52 yr old man).

I was just going to suggest something like this. wink

What if you pretended you were an elderly person (the company’s favorite “mark”) and then started rambling on about how this is the first person you’ve talked to in three days… and let me tell you about my gall bladder surgery… and how my grandson is doing so well in school… and my deadbeat son who won’t find a wife. Then top it off by saying it’s time to take your medication: put the phone down, never come back, and see how long it takes them to hang up.

The bottom line is that these companies will stop when it’s no longer profitable for them, which means we have to do everything we can to waste their time. smile

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Posted: 18 October 2012 09:46 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 37 ]
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I usually do the foreign language one, but the other day I started talking the guy on the line into life insurance. It took a few minutes for him to figure out what I was up to, but he’d already given me his name and age. Stupid idiot! Haha.

You guys are a hoot. I nearly spewed my nightcap at a few of these. Faves for “I don’t have a phone.”

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Posted: 18 October 2012 09:57 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 38 ]
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I had some guy call trying to sell me a new roof. so i let him go through his whole speech ( which took about 20 min)and I kept saying yup yup that all sounds good. and when when he was done I told him when i see my land lord i will tell him. the guy hung up with out even saying good bye..
what is funny is i actually own my home…lol geesh what a sore head..

Then one day I had a a bunch of relentless Bible thumbers come to the door ( my neighbor called me and told me they were coming ahead of time. and so anyways they knocked on my door and they told me they wanted to talk to me about Jesus and how he can save me.

I said sure come on in I’ll listen them and then I told them when they are done can listen to me talk about my gods, and when i told them i was a Asatru & a witch they didn’t just leave abruptly, they ran down my driveway and half way up the street..lmao. I have it on my home security cameras i was gonna post it on youtube..  but i was nice and didn’t..lol.. but i have not had a single bible thumber/sales person come to my door since then which has been about 2 years…lol

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Posted: 18 October 2012 10:13 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 39 ]
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that is the funny thing Ivy, when one is strong in their own beliefs it is easy to listen and learn about other faiths, most I know indeed do!
it is the unsure ones who tend to preach and run from anything that might challenge them.

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Posted: 18 October 2012 10:22 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 40 ]
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Deals are NEVER made via cold calls, so reject anything they offer.

I usually answer with complete silence - they phoned me, it’s up to them to identify themselves (my friends know this and identify themselves when I pick up).  The convention is to pick up phone and say something; it unsettles many people when this does not happen.

In the past I’ve used, “Harlot’s Hotline - which service please?”

...or I hijack the questioning e.g. “How did you get this number?  What is your security clearance code? Do you understand that you will be sanctioned for unauthorized use of this number?...  (to a pretend colleague) Trevor, how long before you’ve got a trace on this incoming call?”

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Posted: 18 October 2012 10:28 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 41 ]
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For male voices I do this. “That sounds pretty good, I’m in marketing myself. Tell you what if you can sell me on (whatever) I’ll send Mary to you for just $1000 a night, she normally goes for $5000 a night but I like you.” For females I just use Mitch for the name.

I had one guy that went for it so I added this, “Just text me all your info, I’ll give you a number. I’m pretty sure the FEDS have my phones tapped…” Click hummm…..

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Posted: 18 October 2012 11:42 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 42 ]
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tjohn - 17 October 2012 04:12 PM

Hang up. That’s all you need to do. The “card services” calls I get are always recordings . . . But yeah just hang up.

This is why I have an answering machine.  I don’t pick up the phone unless I recognize the Caller ID.  True a lot of them are recordings, but I just pick up the phone and disconnect the call when that happens.  A live caller will eventually get the message that “she’s never home”.  Well, never home to them.  grin

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Posted: 19 October 2012 12:13 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 43 ]
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Miss B - 18 October 2012 11:42 AM
tjohn - 17 October 2012 04:12 PM

Hang up. That’s all you need to do. The “card services” calls I get are always recordings . . . But yeah just hang up.

This is why I have an answering machine.  I don’t pick up the phone unless I recognize the Caller ID.  True a lot of them are recordings, but I just pick up the phone and disconnect the call when that happens.  A live caller will eventually get the message that “she’s never home”.  Well, never home to them.  grin

Yup.  I have the ringers on the phones turned off, so I don’t even know when someone is calling until the answering machine picks up.  If it’s someone I know, I’ll pick up then.  Otherwise, it’s leave a message that I will simply delete.  As a result, for telemarketers and the like, I am NEVER home.

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Posted: 19 October 2012 03:22 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 44 ]
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I share your sentiment. I used to get unsolicited calls a lot that I decided a long time ago to register my home phone to the DNC list. But even so, I still get calls like those from “Rachel” of Credit Card services. There was no way to opt out of these calls because they’re robocalls.

But I appreciate your consideration to these callers. They’re indeed just doing their job. The bosses push them around to call people and force their service or product on them. So if there is anything that should be prioritized by the authorities, it’s catching the bosses and shutting down these violating companies.

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Posted: 19 October 2012 03:29 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 45 ]
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So to avoid being rude to these callers and still be able to expose their violation, I politely hang up and then call my telephone company to block the telemarketer’s number. That stops all their future calls from coming through. And then I report the number to http://www.callercenter.com and expose the company for unsolicited telemarketing calls. I do that in the hopes that their improper business practice reaches the authorities.

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