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Make me LMFAO thread, NO SERIOUS POSTS PLEASE!!!
Posted: 05 August 2012 08:58 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 16 ]
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There should be something to laugh at in here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IXLV6Ybo3SM

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Posted: 05 August 2012 10:58 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 17 ]
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version3 - 05 August 2012 03:03 PM

I nearly peed mt pants laughing when I first saw this.

A followup to your shark…


Kendall

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Any opinions expressed in this post are those of Kendall Sears and may, or may not, be more, or less, valid than any other opinion.

The contents of this post are intended for the DAZ forum only, do not re-post any portion to any other forum without his permission.

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Posted: 06 August 2012 07:10 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 18 ]
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Current UK joke, and with apologies in advance to our Aussie members (yeah, right wink )

‘One’ and ‘Won’ sound alike, the difference between them is that Team GB have won many Golds,  while Australia have one Gold wink

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Posted: 06 August 2012 10:24 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 19 ]
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Real Quotes

Chuck Knox

Most of my cliches aren’t original.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ralph Kiner

All of the Mets’ road wins against Los Angeles this year have been at Dodger Stadium.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pedro Guerrero

Sometimes they write what I say and not what I mean.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Doug Collins

Any time Detroit scores more than 100 points and holds the other team below 100 points they almost always win.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dan Bonner

The Minnutemen are not tall in terms of height.
~~during a UMass basketball game.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yogi Berra

Well, I used to look like this when I was young and now I still do.

Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.

The other teams could make trouble for us if they win.

It was pretty good. Even the music was nice
~~said after attending an opera.

Congratulations on breaking my record. I always thought the record would stand until it was broken.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dick Cavett

If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mark Fowler

If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed, and it will monitor their heart through the night, and the next morning, if they wake up dead, there’ll be a record.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Colonel Gerald Wellman

We don’t necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
David Acfield

Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Former Post count 2152.  Somehow adding this makes it hurt a bit less. 

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Posted: 06 August 2012 01:50 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 20 ]
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Crap-cakes… no serious posts?
Thats hard. I was intending on making a post on the importance of the Higgs-Boson particle to the structural integrity of the butterscotch in Lolly Gobble Bliss Bombs and their direct importance to the gravitational stability of Earth… but if I’m being limited to making you laugh your arse off, then I suppose I’m going to have to refuse…
Hysterical Rump Ejection Syndrome or HRES is no laughing matter and I’m quite surprised that such an upright solid Aussie as yourself would be looking to actually become ass-less or even half-assed (a far worse fate), at the hands of this community.
For god’s sake woman… what are you thinking.
Think of your family… or your cats… (I don’t really know for sure if you actually have cats… I just took it for granted that you mean “heart” catz in a “loves HER cats” sort of meaning… for all I know it might mean “loves cats… any cats, in the biblical sense” manner… which would be weird… or maybe just “Cats” the Broadway play… which would be even weirder)... Yeah, so before you go inviting asslessness all willy nilly, think about it first… think of how the person who actually causes your dear bottom to drop off will feel….
What will they feel… how will they face themselves come morning (provided they have mirrors and are not a vampire)...
No sir Missy cat lover… I’m not going thru that again… Let me just tell you a little tale of a good nature fellow who happened to make one little joke to a class of kindergarten kiddies who “laughed their little bottoms off”... the horror… nobody was spared, not even the class hamster (who technically didn’t even have an ass)... (okay, well he was a little plump and kinda let himself go and at one point he got so heavy he broke his little exercise wheel and really, at that point there was no going back… so yeah, I suppose Mr Plumpbottom did have a rump)... Yeah… try living with the knowledge that you are the one responsible for 10 rump-reattachment surgeries… to this day some of those kids (now maladjusted adults) can not laugh without the fear of their butts shooting across the room.
I had to drink and cavort with loose women for days just to drive that from my memories… CRAP!... Now YOU made me remember it all again.
Poor Mr Plumpbottom… he was the saddest of them all… do you know how hard it is to sew a hamster’s ass back on? Have you ever tried?
I suggest you do… once you get good at it, it can be quite relaxing. It takes lots of practice, but if you get good enough at it, you can move up to mice… thats where the real money is.
Yep… I ended up being one of the leading Mouse Ass Reattachment Surgeons in North America… until the day that other guy tried it and that was the end… finally my days of glamor and debauchery where over and I was forced to move on to Professional Penguin Wrestling…
I still miss those tiny smiles of joy the mice would have when you gave them back their tiny little bottoms… the roar of the crowds… the groupies… those crazy 80s Miami Vice outfits, speedboat chases, the challenge of the next bigger Penguin… Rome, Paris…
What the hell was I talking about…? I really shouldn’t have drank so much back then.
No… really… I’m too lazy to read what I just wrote… that, and my grammar is terrible… and my handwriting is even worse, like ferrets picked up a fallen lepers hand and tried to write a ransom note with it.
That was one of my hardest cases… The Case of the Lepers Hand.  I never really solved it but I made sure the butler went away for good… lousy butlers, always “Yes, Sir… Right this way”, “Please wait here, someone will be right along to see you”,“Don’t stand on those, they are antiques” or “those where Ming Dynasty and quite irreplaceable”...  got some nerve they do,lording over everyone with their little bow ties and clean shoes… it’s not my fault if I stepped in Walrus dung… I didn’t even know the Walrus followed me!
I hate butlers.
So really, My advice is don’t become a butler… Quirky Private detective with a one eyed monkey sidekick is the real deal. 
Ten years me and Mr Winky solved butler related crimes all around the world… Ten years… Till “The Case of the one eyed monkey in the wood chipper”....
Thats when I lost Mr Winky…
It was too much for him and he left the firm… I tried to work with his cousin Mrs Limpy the peg-legged pirate monkey, but the sexual tension and 40s detective comedy type humor was too much.
Really… what the hell was I talking about?
Did you want to borrow money or something? I don’t lend money to people anymore… Not after “The Case of the thieving walrus”... Walruses are people too… well, in Canada mostly… But yeah, never loan anything to a Walrus… especially not Money, a toaster or your shoes…. 
Oooooooh…  Crikey! Thats where the poo came from!
Twenty years and now I’ve finally solved “The case of the Walrus pooed shoes”!!!
God rest his soul, if Mr Winky had lived to see this day… that case drove him to drink and is probably what ended up killing him… Well, the fuel oil barge he crashed his speedboat into was actually what killed him…
Well, being vaporized is actually the cause of death…
Actually, nobody really looked for his body… I’m not sure they really even investigated it… to be honest it was a BP barge so I think the authorities just figured it spontaneously exploded…. You know, maybe I should give him a call… I don’t even really know if he is actually dead… never really looked into it… I just figured it was something he might have been responsible for… you know how monkeys are always dying in explosions and stuff.
Wacky monkeys… except for Mickey Dolenz, he was a chimp… right? Or was that Davy Jones…
Really… What am I doing here?
Something about Felinephillia ? Cats?
I hated that play… all the actors smelled like cat pee and it wasn’t even funny… maybe they should have sewn googly eyes onto their costumes… Googly eyes are always funny!
It is a very serious condition in real life… I made a poster about it in back in 2011… I’m actually amazed at how many of the people in the picture have died since then… Steve Jobs, Osama Bin Ladin, Mulmar Gaddafi, Cookie Monster and Jim Jong Il… I’m not sure if the googly eyes are what killed any of them… I think Cookie monster died of type 12 diabetes or something… but still, it underlines the seriousness and general wackiness of the disease.
I’m going to post a picture of that poster, so you know more about the condition… that and a picture of Justin Beaver… just because I love beavers…
Why do women always giggle when I say that?

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Posted: 06 August 2012 01:58 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 21 ]
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ok Lorvidcore, I just wet the bed!

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WARNING do not click tongue rolleye what video horrors will be seen if you do cannot be unseen.
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Jaderail is at it again

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Posted: 06 August 2012 02:05 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 22 ]
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You realize that is a serious condition… I recognize it from “The case of the incontinent Wallaby”.  Never solved that one… and I’ll never sleep with a marsupial again.

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Posted: 06 August 2012 02:07 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 23 ]
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HOLY CRAP SALAD!
YOU HAVE A WORKING AVATAR!!!
WHAT THE FUDGEGIGGLES??!?!

HOW?!

WHY?

WHEN?

EDITED TO ADD- NEVER MIND…. NOW I HAVE ONE TOO…. WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

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Posted: 06 August 2012 02:15 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 24 ]
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As usual, lord vicore manages to expound voluminously with tongue firmly planted in cheek. No, not that cheek, the other one. LOL Speaking of rump roast, here’s one of my current favorite jokes.


A Gynecologist decides he’s had enough of the medical profession, and decides to change careers. He thinks, “Hey, I’m good with my hands, I could become an auto mechanic.” So, he enrolls in classes to become an Automotive Technician (today-speak for greasemonkey). The time comes for the final exam, and the instructor tells the students that the final exam consists of completely disassembling a car engine, reassembling it, and finally starting it up for the instructor. The former physician does a great job of it, but when the grades were posted, he is somewhat embarrassed to see that he has scored TWO A+ grades. Somewhat red-faced, he asks the instructor why he rated 2 A+ grades. The instructor replied,
“Well, you got one A+ for doing a perfect job of dismantling and reassembling the engine.
You got the other A+ for doing the entire job through the tailpipe!”

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Old post count 1725 (seems lame compared to some)

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Posted: 06 August 2012 04:25 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 25 ]
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I have to tell my friend that one, he is an OB/GYN… There is lots of fun to poke at his profession… and no opportunity I let slip by.


On a side note: HOLY GOAT-NUGGETS! WE HAVE THREAD BUMPING!!

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Posted: 06 August 2012 06:04 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 26 ]
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I think maybe this thread needs this:

http://instantrimshot.com/

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Posted: 06 August 2012 06:12 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 27 ]
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lordvicore - 06 August 2012 01:50 PM

Crap-cakes… no serious posts?

I’m going to post a picture of that poster, so you know more about the condition… that and a picture of Justin Beaver… just because I love beavers…
Why do women always giggle when I say that?

Your comment, and the op’s name, reminded me of something I noticed a while back in a local restaurant. I was in the town of Beaver (I’m not making this up, look at a map of western Pennsylvania), and stopped at Wendy’s for lunch. While waiting for my order, I looked at the awards on the wall (best fast food kind of thing from local newspapers, etc), and one of them was simply awarded to Wendy’s Beaver. No ‘of’ or comma between the words. I think the award was for taste or service or something. I should probably stop now before I get myself in trouble.

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Posted: 06 August 2012 06:40 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 28 ]
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DWG - 06 August 2012 07:10 AM

Current UK joke, and with apologies in advance to our Aussie members (yeah, right wink )

‘One’ and ‘Won’ sound alike, the difference between them is that Team GB have won many Golds,  while Australia have one Gold wink

Well, as an Aussie all I really care about is where the US would be on the medal table if they didn’t have the wonder that is Michael Phelps - he is just so jaw-droppingly fantastic!

BTW - didn’t you know that Silver is the new Gold. tongue wink

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Posted: 06 August 2012 08:46 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 29 ]
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Wendy’s Beaver is a good place to eat… or so I hear.

They like Beavers so much in Beaver they even named a street after it… and I ‘m not sure if The Beaver Supermarket is where you go to buy beaver or if it is where beavers shop… And lastly is this a picture of Wendy’s Beaver?

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Posted: 06 August 2012 09:09 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 30 ]
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So, who’s in pole position when it comes to Wendy’s Beaver? (that’s a racing term if you haven’t heard it before)

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