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Critiques Invited for an “In Memoriam”  poster.
Posted: 29 June 2012 02:29 AM   [ Ignore ]
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Hi, well a friend of mine died tragically last week. We buried him on Tuesday. He was 39, an ace surfer, and a member of our kneeboard club. We held a paddle out for him on Sunday and eighty surfers arrived at 5.30 am in the dark middle of winter to pay their respects. That’s not counting the friends who stood and shivered on the beach. The funeral spilled out onto the street and I stood in the rain with about forty others and watched the proceedings on a a big plasma screen… ahh technology and death, who would have thought….

So I got in im my head to do an in memoriam poster. It’s been a struggle, the render times as they are for a big project. Anyway,below there’s a picture of Shannon I took in 2004. Oddly enough my first attempt at morphing mike into Shannon’s head wasn’t bad, but the finished image compostion etc was looking a bit silly. (Plus the board logo is back to front:) )

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Fa-6fH9SzIE/T-1gXsc2jXI/AAAAAAAAGP0/xZXQ86TCAYM/s1600/Doc6bAndrewFinnie.jpg

so I played around yesterday and finally realised it would be better not to have his face in it at all. So After working on it all day to day I came up with this. (The second last image at the end of post)
 


http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ayxGpAB3Xds/T-1geZ8MMyI/AAAAAAAAGP8/8CPSlp4kSiw/s1600/NEWNEWDoc6a.jpg

Now so a kneeboarder rides on his knees. The image is supposed to be of Shannon in the ‘barrel’.  His left hand is doing “Hang Loose”.
I think a surfer would recognise it (the barrel, tube, cover up, in the green room) but don’t know about ‘laymen’. It’s not meant to be photo realistic, just to suggest the idea. In the end it will be a poster for theother guys in the club.(I hope)  I realise there is mesh error in the board and I tried to hide it in post smile  As I did with the lousy texturing (You can see these both in the last image)


So my questions, can you tell what is going on? Would the lettering be better left clean without the spray and stuff around it, Does the image hold together stylistically? Any suggestions on the font lettering design? Are the bubbles acceptable or could they do with some work? And his neck looks weird to me…


And any well meaning critiques are welcome. Thanks for looking! PS: The above links take you to big files. 

EDIT: The last image is just for scenery. I thought the forum resizing was working…? :(

 

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Posted: 29 June 2012 10:50 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 1 ]
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Honestly, I like the composition of the first one. I do agree that hiding the face also could look better. Could you turn the head so he’s looking back over his shoulder and adjust the hair so that it appears to be blowing across the camera side of his face?

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Posted: 29 June 2012 01:21 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 2 ]
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OK. Here goes.
 
Of the two, I prefer the top image. I like the look in his eye, a twinkle that sort of says, “I’m havin’ fun. What are you doing?” The look on his face and the eyes are just priceless. And for its purpose, remembering a friend, I’d say it’s spot on.
 
The second image seems more awkward, to me. That may only be because I saw the first image…well, first, so it may not be a fair comparison. Also, the shadow at the bottom of the second image doesn’t seem quite right. It gives the feel of the figure floating above the water.
 
You should be able to fix the neck strangeness in post with the warp brush/liquify tool (depending on your software). That’s my go to tool for just about anything.
 
You might also consider applying just a bit of gaussian blur to the entire image. A very tiny bit like 2 or 5. I feel like that would soften the image and blend it all together a bit more. It would also give the bubbles and such a softer, more natural look.
 
I’ve never been great with fonts, but I like what you have. I also think the bubbles moving out of the frame is a nice touch.
 
All in all, it comes down to the look in his eyes in the first image. You’ve captures something there. His smile makes me smile. I almost can’t help it. If it were me, that’s the one I’d want to see to remember a friend.
 

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Posted: 29 June 2012 03:30 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 3 ]
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evilproducer - 29 June 2012 10:50 AM

Honestly, I like the composition of the first one. I do agree that hiding the face also could look better. Could you turn the head so he’s looking back over his shoulder and adjust the hair so that it appears to be blowing across the camera side of his face?

Thanks very much Evil producer. Yes the first one has the advantage of getting where cameras don’t normally go. It’s a good idea of turning the face and the hair thankyou. I also thought of silhoetting and did a few - but it was too forlorn and foreboding - and it took all of the joy from the image.

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Posted: 29 June 2012 03:35 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 4 ]
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Booksbydavid wrote:

Of the two, I prefer the top image. I like the look in his eye, a twinkle that sort of says, “I’m havin’ fun. What are you doing?” The look on his face and the eyes are just priceless. And for its purpose, remembering a friend, I’d say it’s spot on.

 

Thanks Booksbydavid! Yes he has a twinkle in his eye. Just like in real life.

The second image seems more awkward, to me. That may only be because I saw the first image…well, first, so it may not be a fair comparison. Also, the shadow at the bottom of the second image doesn’t seem quite right. It gives the feel of the figure floating above the water.

 

That’s a good point thankyou. Yes the shadow is weird. I had trouble positioning the figure because the wave comes up transparent in the assembly room. So maybe he really is floating. I’ll have a go at fixing that! 

You should be able to fix the neck strangeness in post with the warp brush/liquify tool (depending on your software). That’s my go to tool for just about anything.

 

Ahh thanks for that hint. I nromally go clone tool, but I will certainly give that a try!

You might also consider applying just a bit of gaussian blur to the entire image. A very tiny bit like 2 or 5. I feel like that would soften the image and blend it all together a bit more. It would also give the bubbles and such a softer, more natural look.

I will have a go at that thankyou.! smile

I’ve never been great with fonts, but I like what you have. I also think the bubbles moving out of the frame is a nice touch.
 
All in all, it comes down to the look in his eyes in the first image. You’ve captures something there. His smile makes me smile. I almost can’t help it. If it were me, that’s the one I’d want to see to remember a friend.

 

Thanks Booksbydavid. I really appreciate the input! I’llpost something when I get a bit more render time.


cheers from ‘ere smile

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Posted: 29 June 2012 07:59 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 5 ]
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I’m impressed with it as it is.  But if anything, I think maybe the nose could use a small bit of work if you trying for a perfect likeness.

Shawn.

God bless.

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Posted: 29 June 2012 09:32 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 6 ]
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Head Wax, if the transparency in the Assembly room is causing issues, you can turn it off in the interactive renderer. It’s the little Up arrow with a circle around it at the top of the window. Changes made there do not interfere with the render room settings.

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Posted: 30 June 2012 08:20 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 7 ]
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“Awesome!” (my first impression of your first version)

The second looks like he’s in Jaws’ jaws!  =O

He looks like a great guy & friend…..I can imagine he will be sorely missed by many.
I’m sure he’s impressed with your work, too.

I’m a body boarder, so the scene is really exciting and makes me want to go out.
Get some good ones for him (and me), mate.

wink

(edited for clarification)

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Posted: 30 June 2012 09:19 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 8 ]
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Trying to be more critical (in the constructive sense).....

His hair is dry…..should be wet (doubt even he could get into that tube without getting wet).

And would take off the specular on his fingers…....looks plastic….did you apply some SSS?

Jeez, I wish I’d known him!

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Posted: 30 June 2012 03:52 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 9 ]
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Misticwolf - 29 June 2012 07:59 PM

I’m impressed with it as it is.  But if anything, I think maybe the nose could use a small bit of work if you trying for a perfect likeness.

Shawn.

God bless.

thanks Shawn smile
You know, I am so impresssed byhow observant you are. When I was pulling the mesh around I forgot all about the nose! Thanks for pointing that out!

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Posted: 30 June 2012 03:57 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 10 ]
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Head Wax, if the transparency in the Assembly room is causing issues, you can turn it off in the interactive renderer. It’s the little Up arrow with a circle around it at the top of the window. Changes made there do not interfere with the render room settings.

Thanks for the heads up on that!

. I’d forgotten about that setting. I’d been dropping the alpha in the shader room then goingback to assembly and fiddling. That will make life a lot easier ... if only my comp didn’t keep crashing. I rendered for five hours yesterday then we had athunderstorm so the image was a third finished - I had caustics and ambient occluison running and the image was 12 inches by 9 at 300 dpi- so I hit abort hoping to save half the BMP ...and (^*&%$#@^$ Carrara crashed. Of course I’d forgotten to save the car file before I started rendering derrrr :(

Otherwise I might have found that half a BMP in the temp folder?

smile

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Posted: 30 June 2012 04:06 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 11 ]
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megacal - 30 June 2012 09:19 AM

Trying to be more critical (in the constructive sense).....

His hair is dry…..should be wet (doubt even he could get into that tube without getting wet).

And would take off the specular on his fingers…....looks plastic….did you apply some SSS?

Jeez, I wish I’d known him!

Hey megacal. smile A surfer smile Ah yes, the shinyness on the fingers was my attempt at wetness - but the fingers do look like store mannequins! That worried me! And of course you are right about the hair smile Though of course I never get my hair wet till the third wave! Heh, oh I left Shannon’s hair dry cause we only ever saw him with a cap on - with wet hair- or without the cap with dry hair! But you are right, I will have a play slicking it down a little!

Shannon had a national bodyboard title here:

Also in attendance was Shannon Berwick and John Cruikshank – I am sure John has an Australian title from the mid to late 90′s and Shannon also has a national title from back in 1986, 3rd place, some old skool right there. Shannon’s father started Newcastle City Area Bodyboard Club in 1998 which John help run until 5 yrs ago. It’s just great to have the older guys in the club to hand share idea’s with and hand down knowledge to the kids

from http://solidbodyboarding.wordpress.com/2010/02/21/first-comp-photos/

I’ll post those updates when my comp stops crashing!


Me… I ripped out my subscap tendon (right shoulder) before Chrissie. I had surgery in april and am out of the water for five months from that date. Of course the surf has been barreling every day since April… aaaaaaaaaaargh smile


Thanks for your critique - very much appreciated.
As I do everyones.

 

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Posted: 30 June 2012 07:08 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 12 ]
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Shannon had a national bodyboard title here:

Any links to videos or stills of Shannon we can see? Would love to see him on a wave.

One last suggestion about that first version of him in the barrel….....maybe lighten his face
a bit…..think there should be more transmitted light....(?).

E.g. this wave http://fizzyenergy.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/sun1.jpg  ......maybe too
bright, but it shows the sunlight well.

I definitely like seeing his face from the front. wink

 

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Posted: 01 July 2012 10:40 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 13 ]
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Hya megacal

Ah yes that’s a beautiful image.  I played with a bar light yesterday and that could give the same feeling of light through t he wave. I mapped some caustic textures to the lights to give that feeling of light coming through the wave as well - but it took too long to render. Adding textures to lights really bumps up the render time.. :( Today I pinched my wife’s computer so we will see smile smile

Shannon surfing? There one or two people working on a vid I think. There were quite a few pics of him around and about riding his kneeboard - but I havn’t seen any of him from the eighties on his body board/

One site that does have is a commercial photo site but you have to join up and login etc.

But there are http://indianakneeriders.blogspot.com.au/2012/06/rip-shannon-berwick.html
and http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-PrhJErcuebc/T967C1nLJ-I/AAAAAAAAAGI/mY9VArz6klw/s1600/Shannon.jpg
http://legless.tv/post/25565706683/dear-friends-it-is-with-sad-regret-to-inform 
shannon surfing small Teahpoo http://www.ksusa.org/Forum/album_showpage.php?pic_id=2272
at the worlds Tahiti http://www.ksusa.org/Forum/album_showpage.php?pic_id=2156
at the worlds Tahiti http://www.ksusa.org/Forum/album_showpage.php?pic_id=2136

you may have tolog in on those last three I think
regards from Oz, surgeon tells me another three months out of the water :(

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Posted: 02 July 2012 02:01 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 14 ]
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Thanks for the links Head Wax…...I registered at KSUSA but haven’t been “activated” by the admin yet, so can’t login.
But will check out all the links.

I mapped some caustic textures to the lights

.....I haven’t tried caustics yet….what about adding more
transparency to the wave and putting the light outside? Or using AnythingGlows?

Seems like a lot of neat possibilties, but I’m sure most of Shannon’s friends will like it as is and not be that
critical…....it’s the overall image that grabbed me. Nice modeling & shading of the wave, btw.

Yeah, celebrate Shannon’s life…...I hope the pain of losing him will be replaced by a laugh and smile when
you think of him, especially when you’re shooting a clean tube, and whooping it up.

Thumbsup!

 

 

 

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Posted: 02 July 2012 02:09 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 15 ]
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Hya Megacal

Ahh I forgot the Caustics maps are generated by this progran http://www.dualheights.se/caustics/
Very good. Great idea about the anything glows. I have been making the wave the anything glows and it gives really far out results - concentrated in the barrel. I discovered osmething today that I can stretch out the Cellular and Noise functions in the Transform section of their shader parameters and this might solve the problems I am having getting the ribs in the waves !

Love to see what you could do with rendering a wave by the way.

 

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