@galactica1981: Here are my rambling thoughts and observations…
(1) Your forum username confirms what is already obvious in your books: you’re passionate about those campy, late-‘70s/early-‘80s sci-fi shows that informed so many of our childhoods. And by giving it a satirical, Matrix-y twist, you’ve modernized the concept enough to make it interesting to fans of the genre.
(2) In appraising the book artistically, one thing leaps out at me, particularly with #2: it reads less like a comic book than the storyboards for a pre-production film. I may be projecting here, but I get the sense that you’d be happiest taking these pages to a movie set and recreating them with actors and a cinematographer.
Let me see if I can explain myself by briefly paraphrasing McCloud: comics don’t use multi-panel page layouts just to save paper. They use them because the gutters and borders between the panels convey lots of information; among many other things, they create a visual rhythm that can establish a sense of passing time or heightened/lessened intensity.
By forsaking that visual grammar, you’re putting a ton of pressure on each individual render to wholly conjure a sense of time, place, and emotion. There’s no storytelling metadata there to help sell the illusion of movement or emphasize certain moments over others… every shot seems to consume an identical unit of time, and no shot is more important than any other. As the creator reading your own work, you already know which panels are meant to deliver a shock, which ones should be accompanied by a pause for effect, and so on. But without multi-panel layouts, we’re not clued into your timeline.
Which leads me to…
(3) This thing screams “motion comic” to me. Even without voice acting, it would benefit from filmic transitions between panels, zooms into and pans across panels, and possibly even the occasional sound effect. (A score would be an obvious, but non-necessary bonus.) Have you considered loading your render folder into Premiere or iMovie, or maybe tinkering with iBooks Author, MotionArtist, or similar tools? Maybe I’m crazy, but I feel like you and the story would take to it like ducks to water.
(4) My sincerest compliments on sticking your neck out. I can sit here and nitpick, inventing new work for you to do, but the reality is that you have already done A LOT. That takes guts and focus in an enviable abundance.