FAQ About the Aluminum Club:
Q- What the hell is the Aluminum Club?
A- Something I made up while drinking beer.
Q- How do I join the Aluminum Club?
A- Fill out any form found at your local Department of Motor Vehicles, Armed Forces Recruitment Station, ASPCA or Post Office and mail it directly to:
Santa Claus C/O Sasquatch
North Pole 292839 suite 12B
Q- What are the requirements to join the Aluminum Club?
A- It is suggested subliminally that you meet the following requirements:
1- The ability to fill out a form using a #2 crayon
2- You must be fully clothed or at least wearing a stylish hat.
3- You must have at least 3 moldy items in your refrigerator.
4- Be able to read or have a helper monkey who reads.
5- Own or Use a computer and have clean non-flammable socks.
6- Be a Teacher or member of the US Armed Forces or have seen a picture of someone who is.
Q- What are the benefits of Aluminum Club vs other clubs?
A- None really, its quite stupid.
Q- Is Aluminum Club dangerous?
Q- Is the aluminum in Aluminum Club recyclable?
A- No, its a figurative designation and no real aluminum is used. But if it were being used, it would be 7075-T651 series aviation grade alloy, due to its high tensile strength, low weight and relative hight cost versus other common alloy grades.
Q- How do I properly cancel my Aluminum Club membership?
A- You can’t! Mooohooohooohaahaahaa! It’s forever! Your Great Grandchildren will be part of it too!!! Mooohooohaahaahaahaaaaa!
Q- What if I don’t like my Aluminum Club model?
A- Too damn bad.
Q- Does Aluminum Club except Pay Pal?
A- It’s free, but if you want to give me access to you paypal account… sure.
Q- How do I download an Aluminum Club item?
A- There are only two methods- One of which is the proper method…
Step 1- Select the item you wish to download.
Step B- Open either Notepad or TextEdit on your computational device and write that item’s product name and description down in ancient Aramaic (Phoenician or any of the ancient Canaanite dialects will do).
Step 3- Print out the item’s information on a 8 3/4” x 12” sheet of off-white paper.
Step D- Go to the local Supermarket and place the request form in a shopping cart (at the moment our shopping cart system is non-functional but this helps simulate the experience).
Step 5- Go home and while sitting sideways in front of your computer, click on the item’s link.
Step F- With one eye closed and your left arm behind you, click on the the item’s “download” link.
Step 1- Click on the item’s main link.
Step Last- Click on the item’s download link.
Please note: Only one of these methods is the correct method.
Failure to use the proper method may result in any one or more of the following- Gingivitis, Immediate donation of all your current functional organs, a £ 10,000 HMRC penalty(UK only), account deletion, revocation of parol(US only), enrollment in the NEW Uranium Club 2, Impotency, Rickets and or Total Body Baldness.
Q- Why Non-flammable socks?
A- You’ll find out later.
**Victor Cook/Juniperfalls Studios reserves the right to randomly change the rules, benefits and requirements of Aluminum Club as well as the right to run amok in public using a super soaker filled with panda urine, all according to what the voices in my head tell me to do, or if I’m in a bad mood.
Its late, but happy April fools day… the freebie is real… the club is a figment of my deranged mind though.
Or is is?
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