John Boy got a job with the highway department painting the center stripe down the middle of a new highway. The first day he impressed his new bosses by painting three miles of stripe. The second day he painted two miles, but only one mile on the third day.
His boss noticed this and asked him for an explanation.
John Boy scratches his head and says, “I dunno. I guess it’s ‘cause it just I just keep gettin’ farther away from the paint bucket.”
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A piece of string enters a pub and orders a beer. The barman says “Look pal, it’s nothing personal but we don’t serve string in here, we had some trouble with some twine last year”. “Fair enough” says the string and he leaves. Next day the string comes back in and the barman says “I told you yesterday, we don’t serve string – now get out!” The piece of string promptly leaves but he returns the next day, and the next and all week and every time the barman throws him out. Finally the barman has enough and threatens the string. “You’re pushing your luck!”, he says, ” If you come in here tomorrow, you’ll be sorry!”.
Sure enough, next day, the string comes in. The barman loses his cool and snatches the string and whacks it on the bar about a dozen times. Then he ties it in a knot, swings it around his head and throws it into the wall. Finally he gives it to his dog, which chews it up and spits it out. The barman finally throws the string out of the door and says, “There, let that be a lesson to you – WE DON’T SERVE STRING!”
Next day, the string comes in, still tied up and all tatty. “Oh for goodness sake!”, says the barman, “Look, we don’t serve string and you are, are you not a piece of string?”
“No,”, says the string, “I’m a frayed knot!”
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This man was famous the world over for the Tulips that he grew. People used to come from all over just to admire them and to try and get the secret of how he grew them from him. He was very cagey and would say, “I just put the bulbs in and they come up like that all perfect.”
Of course no one believed him, but no matter what ploy was used. no one could discover just what it was that turned ordinary bulbs into the most beautiful Tulip Blooms that anyone had ever grown. Whole fields of them identical and all perfect.
Well he had this friend (we all know friends like this one), who had decided that he would get the secret and make some money on the side. He got the Tulip Grower drunk on Home Made Wine and gradually turned the conversation around to Tulip Growing. You will know how trusting you are when you are drunk and the Tulip Grower was no exception!
He gradually relaxed and to the direct question, “How do you do it?” He replied… “I use Hamsters!” The Cunning Friend said, “Don’t be daft, how can Hamsters make Ordinary Tulip Bulbs produce blooms like you can?”
The Tulip Grower said, On my other property I breed Hamsters - not just a few, but thousands. When they are adults I run over them with a steam roller and crush them into pulp. I then bulldoze the pulp into a machine which cans them into 7lb jam tins which I store in a big warehouse. At the start of the growing season I go out at night with lorry loads of the tins and open them and spread them all over the fields, I then get a tractor and plough and I plough it all into the ground and then the next day I plant the Tulip Bulbs and you have seen for yourself the results.”
His friend said, “Well I suppose it works, but I don’t see how!”
The Tulip Grower said, “Obvious, isn’t it? I copied the idea from the Dutch, they are Tulips from Hamster Jam!”
