OT - creative (but isolated and severely depressed) Asperger adult at end of rope, seeks advice

Strange Voyager

Thank you all. Fisty, I may take you up on your offer to drop by some time. And lordvicore, that was fun. :) KaribousBoutique, I know what you mean (sort of) about brain changing. It's hard for me to keep in mind, but I think I will write it on my whiteboard and try to shape my brain. I did finally start making a book on how to do things that I do occasionally, but have to relearn every time (setting up my Amiga emulator, certain techniques in PoserPython, etc.). I know that art and music (and eating avocados for some reason) all put me in a great place, but I haven't yet figured out how to stay in that place. Estroyer, I really like the idea of a convention. Jorge, I am in the middle of the United States, in Southwestern Illinois. Ann, Rashad, Damsel, RAMWolff, everyone, I cannot thank you enough for the kind words, resources and new directions and perspective.

I really like the idea of treating this as a puzzle. I *know* I have a lot of the pieces to an amazing life/studio, I just need to figure out how to see through the lens of Asperger/etc. to put them together in a way that I understand and can use. Truthfully, my isolation has hindered (I am hermit-level crazy in the eyes of society and even some of my family here) and helped (I know myself, even if I don't always remember [I hope that makes sense]). I know that ultimately I have to leave this place and either find others like me or find a place where I self-actualize to the fullest extent (which, for me, requires other people to work with; I don't want to only work with Poser characters my whole life).

I am putting life on hold for a few weeks. I am going to San Francisco to stay with a friend for at least two weeks (but secretly I hope he lets me stay). I am giving myself some time to rest and to stop stressing so that I can hopefully achieve some sort of clarity/direction before I go and that it can be a productive trip as well as relaxing. I know that ultimately (even with support) it is myself that has to take action if I am going to make anything happen, and I am trying to figure out what that action will be.

I am also glad (and relieved) to say that, to quote Margaret Cho, "I have chosen to stay and fight." I am open to the next chapter, I just know that whatever it is will come out of left field.

I am sorry for anyone I left out by name. I am still not sure what to say to everyone except thank you for making me not feel so alone and stranded out here.

RAMWolff

You'll enjoy San Francisco, I lived there for 3 years. It can be a bit overwhelming but if you have your friend with you, use him or her as an anchor to find the inner being to deal with uncomfortable situations. I am someone that can't deal with crowds at all. After my friend Fred passed away, I don't go up any more. He was my anchor. I tried once to go up on my own and I went back home after an hour of being there. I am very socially inept but recognize it for what it is and know that my only way to deal with crowds is to have a good friend that doesn't mind me at their elbow most of the time. It is what it is. Have fun!

arcady

San Francisco is my home town.

It can be absurdly expensive but the surrounding towns are not so bad. These days the whole city seems to be filling up with geeky tech types and everybody is working on an app for something and commuting to some job in Silicon Valley.

That said depending on what part of town you land in - getting around can be from easy to very easy as it has good transit and good places to go. Lots of parks and museums that can be relaxing. The area in the middle of Golden Gate Park - where the Japanese Tea Garden is - can be nice to visit on an off-day (go during the week for example, not on Saturday/Sunday). The Garden and the two museums around it are perfect for artistic people, and there are plenty of spots in the park to just sit around with plants and get inspired or relaxed.

(I note you said in the OP that online socializing didn't work for you - so my earlier advice was off-mark. So if you're into getting out, hopefully this is better advice.)

If you're geeky, I know the city also has both a 'Go' club (the Asian board game), and a table-top RPG shop - both of which provide spots to sit down and play against or with others without too much bother from strangers. Well, the 'Go' club I last heard mention of in the early 90s, but I've driven past where it was and still seen the sign as of a few years ago... somewhere in the inner Sunset I think.

There used to be a lot of coffee shops one could sit in and relax, but they've become crowded with people working on their 'app' now... who will occupy a chair for 8 hours and order exactly one cup of water... But you might end up in a neighborhood with a cafe I've missed noticing getting taken over.

If you only end up in San Francisco for a short while - look for the same kinds of places where you end up after. Every city has somewhere out there where you can be semi-social, out in public, but NOT stuck in a crowd. Some of them just take a little searching to find.

Sylvan

Take care and I hope you will return feeling a bit more light hearted ^^

jorge dorlando

Outré Limits said:

Thank you all. Fisty, I may take you up on your offer to drop by some time. And lordvicore, that was fun. :) KaribousBoutique, I know what you mean (sort of) about brain changing. It's hard for me to keep in mind, but I think I will write it on my whiteboard and try to shape my brain. I did finally start making a book on how to do things that I do occasionally, but have to relearn every time (setting up my Amiga emulator, certain techniques in PoserPython, etc.). I know that art and music (and eating avocados for some reason) all put me in a great place, but I haven't yet figured out how to stay in that place. Estroyer, I really like the idea of a convention. Jorge, I am in the middle of the United States, in Southwestern Illinois. Ann, Rashad, Damsel, RAMWolff, everyone, I cannot thank you enough for the kind words, resources and new directions and perspective.

I really like the idea of treating this as a puzzle. I *know* I have a lot of the pieces to an amazing life/studio, I just need to figure out how to see through the lens of Asperger/etc. to put them together in a way that I understand and can use. Truthfully, my isolation has hindered (I am hermit-level crazy in the eyes of society and even some of my family here) and helped (I know myself, even if I don't always remember [I hope that makes sense]). I know that ultimately I have to leave this place and either find others like me or find a place where I self-actualize to the fullest extent (which, for me, requires other people to work with; I don't want to only work with Poser characters my whole life).

I am putting life on hold for a few weeks. I am going to San Francisco to stay with a friend for at least two weeks (but secretly I hope he lets me stay). I am giving myself some time to rest and to stop stressing so that I can hopefully achieve some sort of clarity/direction before I go and that it can be a productive trip as well as relaxing. I know that ultimately (even with support) it is myself that has to take action if I am going to make anything happen, and I am trying to figure out what that action will be.

I am also glad (and relieved) to say that, to quote Margaret Cho, "I have chosen to stay and fight." I am open to the next chapter, I just know that whatever it is will come out of left field.

I am sorry for anyone I left out by name. I am still not sure what to say to everyone except thank you for making me not feel so alone and stranded out here.

Wow! The way you mentioned in your first post on the place where he lived, things missing there etc, I thought you lived in a ghost town as those of the old western movies ... KKKKK.
Here in Brazil is also the land of avocados, Brazil exports avocado.
Here we do not eat avocados as anybody Foreign eat, not (I know you guys from other countries eat avocado with "salt," Aaargh, yuck !!!)
We eat with sugar, hmmmm !!!!

jorge dorlando

Interesting here:

https://translate.google.com.br/translate?sl=pt&tl=en&js=y&prev=_t&hl=pt-BR&ie=UTF-8&u=http://odia.ig.com.br/esporte/2013-08-28/vitima-da-sindrome-de-asperger-messi-derrota-a-doenca-para-vencer-na-vida.html&edit;-text=&act=url

jorge dorlando

Estroyer said:

Wanted to post here and now I have taken the time.
I see that lots of other people already had some very heartwarming advise and I can't top that :)
What I can do is acknowledge your hardships as my daughter has classic autism and my hubby also Asperger's.
I see them struggle in social environments such as school and at jobs and it makes me cry sometimes.
In the Netherlands I know of ways to help, but I have no idea what's going on in the US, so I can't give you any advise on that.
In the past years I have worked for a foundation that organised (anime & manga) conventions for ho-le-bi people.
I know that somehow that scene draws in a large percentage of people that are transgendered, creative and have autism.
No one knows why, but it makes for a colorful and lovely place for people to be and act themselves.
Not sure if you are a manga/anime enthousiast, but I would recommend visiting a convention, because people tend to be very open and welcoming and art is always the binding factor, may it be in acting, drawing or clothing.
That's all the advise I have to offer for now, but I hope sincerely that you will find happiness and be able to shake that dark blanket off your shoulders <3<br />

Hi Estroyer,
I searched for these days by a declaration that a doctor did, but I can not find the source, so I can not state this more, but what he said was the following:
"Because people with autism are not interested in socializing with other people?
Because they do not feel needs to attend parties? Of celebrations? Of being with other people?
Answer: Because they suffer from a disease called "not lonely"
Yes, that's right, they suffer from non-loneliness
They feel complete! They have everything inside them !! "" ...
It's more or less what he said, but did not locate it anymore, maybe you have already known that ...

IceEmpress

I apologixe in that I didn't see this thread before (haven't been on the forums at all save the past couple days)

I have Asperger's as well, and am unable to work due to some obsessive compulsive stuff related to that. I was lucky enough to be born to a mom that can understand/have the patience with some of my problems, though. I'm glad it sounds like you're finding a solution.